7 Key Ways To Avoid Being A Clingy Girlfriend In A Relationship

Whether you're insecure or just new to the whole boyfriend thing, you NEED this advice.

By Anonymous

"You're too clingy," he said, after a breakup speech that left a knot in my gut.

"But… I just thought… things were going well," I said, with the sudden sharp urge to crawl under the table.

Ouch. Ever had someone dump you or pull away without warning? This happened to me over and over in different ways until I got some key lessons about relationships, namely ones about clinging and neediness.

One reason for this unfortunate "it's not me, it's really you" situation is that you attached yourself to the other person like you were boarding the last lifeboat off the Titanic. Whether it was because you felt insecure or you simply don't know any better, acting clingy and desperate is a one-way ticket to break up town.

Here are my 7 key ways to avoid being a clingy girlfriend in a relationship:

1. Let the other person pick up the ball on occasion. 

Are you the one initiating contact every time? Do you do it frequently? Even if you're excited about a new relationship, pull back a little and let them come to you. Don't go overboard and start ignoring them, quite the contrary. When it comes to communication, make sure you aren't flooding your beloved's inbox only to receive a trickle in return.

2. Follow your passions.

Over and over again, people tell me that they're looking for a partner who has serious interests outside a relationship. So many people make someone else "their world" and this is frankly, a huge mistake. Falling in love with your own life means searching for your own job fulfillment, pursuing your own hobbies and goals and not sacrificing any of it when someone new pops into your life. 

3. Don't neglect YOUR people or force your lover to neglect theirs. 

Say it with me: "I will NOT neglect my friends or family for my relationship and I will not get possessive of my partner's private time with their people." Keep space in your life for people other than your partner and vice versa. Vow to never, ever blow your friends off to hang out with someone new.

4. Until you're exclusive, date more than one person at a time.

This one is tricky and most experts mention it but frankly, that's because it works. Dating more than one person before the "exclusivity talk" is one big secret that lots of successful daters use to their advantage. The reason this works is that when you're actively playing the field, you simply don't have as much time to focus only on one person to the point that you begin to smother them. 

5. When you feel that "maybe they're pulling away" feeling, give it more time.

One big sign of clinginess is that your imagination runs wild when patterns in the relationship change (whether it's legit or not). For example, say he always calls on Thursday, but this week hasn't called.

This is not a reason to get unhinged and start obsessing about their coming departure from your life. It's just an example, but if you have a tendency to dwell and analyze, focusing on "the end" can actually create a self-fulfilling prophecy and sabotage the relationship.

6. Avoid focusing too much on what the other person is doing when they're away from you.

When a relationship is new, it's easy to actually create problems that aren't there by wondering what he's doing 24/7. When you start worrying what they're up to all the time, you're giving all your power away on a silver platter. Putting tabs on them reeks of insecurity and will make them feel like you don't trust them. 

7. Let past relationships stay in the past.

Don't try to compete with their mythical "ex." I talk to people all the time who are worried about the relationship that their new partner had with their ex and how they measure up. This reeks of desperation and insecurity.

Develop your own "don't ask, don't tell" policy about exes.  Conversely, don't compare and contrast your new partner to your ex out-loud or otherwise.

Cheers!

Love Tips- How To Get Your Man To TRULY Listen...

He still cares.

By Anonymous

Your man is distant. 

He's not listening to you, or talking to you, the same way he did when you first fell in love. 

You can't help but wonder what your man wants that you’re not giving him...

...or is it just his issue?

If you really want to solve this problem, you have to understand your role in why he’s distant. But that’s going to take some self-honesty.

Are you ready?

To get him to talk (and listen) to you like he used to, we need to shine the spotlight on you:

• What is it about you that he loved so much that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you?
• How were you interacting with him when he fell in love with you?
• How did you make him feel when you head-over-heels in love with him, and you talked together?

Does he still recognize you today as the person you were in the above questions?

Are you still behaving as the happy, deeply caring, sensual, inviting and radiant woman that won his heart?

Here’s the truth that women sometimes find hard to believe:

Whatever it is that you are doing to appreciate your man ... it isn’t working.

This is where the self-honesty has to exist:

Could you be more appreciative of him?

Could you tell him more often how grateful you are for what he’s done, and does do for you and the family?

Could you show him you value his presence in your life more often?

Could you point out what he does well or what you admire in him?

Could you be more focused on what he needs the most from you?

Could you be more inviting and expressive sensually?

If you are willing to examine your role, you’re likely to find room for improvement on how you demonstrate that you appreciate him.

Now let’s say you aren’t behaving as you were when you felt like you truly had his heart.

Why not?

Are you angry, bitter and resentful towards him for not valuing you in some way?

Are you unhappy with yourself?

Are you stressed out and overwhelmed?

Have you been neglecting your own nurturing or self-care?

Are you looking for him to change, or to fix your relationship?

Whatever your reason is, and it may be perfectly valid.

But now that you understand it, you have the power to shift how he is behaving by changing your own behavior.

If you want him to be more present and communicative with you, then you must bring out more or your softness, happiness, fun, lightness and playfulness to him.

Demands, attitude, withdrawal, more Facebook time, criticism, and withholding anything; including kindness and sex, will not win his heart.

Be willing to be vulnerable. That’s your power.

Ask him to hold you, knowing that he might screw it up, or say something stupid, or not be present, or even say no.

And be willing to do it again and again with softness.

“Will you please hold me for just a few moments, just hold me, that’s all?”

This has the potential of creating a new special moment between you.

Ask for his help. Say with your most loving and sensual voice, “Will you help me?”

“I love you, and I’m committed to making our relationship better. Will you help me?”

How does he respond?

How does he respond to your happiness, to your softness, to your radiance, to your sensuality, to your invitation, to your expressiveness?

You are all you need to begin to transform your relationship. You might even ask him to read this, to see his reaction and hear whether he agrees. A life-changing conversation just might follow.

Cheers!

11 Traits Of a Good Girlfriend.

Put a ring on it.

By Anonymous

We all want true love in our lives — it's finding the right person to give you that love that's the hard part. There are so many different types of people, and a million different ways to meet them. So how can you be sure you've found the right one?

If you're wondering whether the woman you're dating is truly relationship material, there are a few traits you should look for. Here are the 11 traits of a good girlfriend. Don't ever let someone like this go!

1. She's supportive

She's a fan of all your endeavors and doesn't delight in belittling you, mocking your efforts, or generally ruining your mojo. If you feel you have a mission or calling in life, you need someone who will help, not hinder.

2. She's a good person

If you can't think of half a dozen or so reasons why this is the case, then we have a problem. 'She's sexy' and 'I want to sleep with her' do NOT count as reasons that she's a good person, by the way. Attraction and infatuation are all very good, but can lead you into the trap of an instantly heavy relationship — and those rarely last.

3. She's honest

Even when it's not easy to hear. Sure, you'll get along just fine with a "yes" woman... for a while. But to build something with lasting potential, you need someone who is there to call you on our bullshit.

Also, an honest person who is not afraid to say how they feel about things will be less likely to say stuff to please you, and then put up with something they actually dislike — that's the road to resentment, which can destroy relationships.

4. She the PERFECT candidate to take home to mom...

...or anywhere else. You shouldn't worry about your girlfriend being rude to family or causing a scene during a date. If she's great fun for a night out or in the bedroom but nowhere else, then it's a non-starter.

5. You have chemistry

 I'm talking about sharing a sense of humor, making each other laugh, and having complimentary personalities. If this chemistry grows, then you know you're onto a good thing.

6. She's still dealing with ex-drama

We all have them, but how we relate to them or describe our relationship with them says a lot about how available we are. If she's still fighting with them, she's probably not available and worse, is demonstrating how things will end in your relationship.

Note: if she's still best buds with her ex, then that's possibly not a great sign either.

7. She has good relationships with her family and friends — and yours

Family and friends are important in relationships. If she can't respect these areas of your life, then she's not the one for you. Whatever your beliefs, she needs to live with and respect them.

She might not think all your friends are great, but she shouldn't be too selective about which of them she wants to spend time around. If she does that, she's making it harder for you to be around them, and effectively limiting our contact with them. That should ring your 'she's trying to change who I am' alarm bell.

8. She gives you the space you need

To fix cars, climb mountains, play video games, put the world to rights over beers with your friends, or whatever you want to do in your free time. Crying, fighting or sulking when you choose to do those things once in a while isn't a good sign.

9. She's not your usual type

If you have a usual type, then you're likely repeating relationship mistakes by choosing not just the same physical type, but also the same toxic behavioral traits in women. The fact that things are different, and she's a tall, quiet brunette when you have a trail of short, bubbly blonde exes is a good indicator, rather than something to worry about.

10. She likes herself

Someone who isn't comfortable in their own skin is holy hell to deal with. Occasional compliment fishing or looking for reassurance about something is on the normal scale. However, someone looking for that stuff all the time shows no confidence and will wear out even the most patient man.

11. She forgives easily

One little grudge fosters resentment and can destroy a relationship. Many grudges are a recipe for disaster. If she shows that she bears grudges and finds it difficult to forgive and move on with exes, colleagues, or in any area of life, then she's not the one for you. You don't want a pushover, but someone who understands that the past is the past and can leave it where it belongs is major.

Cheers!

5 Things (Aside From Looks) That Make Guys Hot And Attractive To A Lady

Who said looks were everything?

By Anonymous

In our world, pop media icons and supermodels look at you from billboards on every corner, and physical beauty is seen as an ideal to strive for. However, one other important thing that our society of science and progress has taught us is that sex appeal isn’t all about physical appearance.

So what is it that makes a man attractive if not his look?

It turns out that ‘attraction’ is a highly complicated biochemical process, and there are dozens of factors that influence it.

Some of these things are completely beyond our control, for example, the symmetry of your features or length of your ring fingers (did you know that men with fingers of similar length are believed to be more faithful?)

However, there are some things that you can actually influence, and that can bump up your attractiveness level in the eyes of women.

1. Having a purpose and achieving your goals

Studies indicate that goal-oriented people are seen as more attractive by default. We can’t keep from being drawn to individuals who have a sort of inner power and drive that pushes them forward.

When a woman looks at a man, she assesses him as a prospective life-partner. A devoted person with strong priorities and objective goals will win every time when compared with guys who lack a direction in life.

2. Dressing the part

Note that it’s not so much the price of your clothes that matters as their style and quality. An attractive man has to dress in fitting garments that will complement his figure. Your outfit must be stylish and fit both the occasion and your social status.

Don’t forget accessories as combining luxury timepieces with plain but high-quality clothes can help you create the veneer of style you need to make a great first impression. It’s what will get you the initial contact you need to show off your other attributes and charm the girl.

3. Having the right amount of facial hair

While there is no arguing the fact that facial hair is a matter of personal preference, social surveys clearly indicate that the majority of women see stubble as a rather sexy detail. It’s a symbol associated with masculinity from the dawn of time, and it can give you the hint of brutish appearance that is so popular today.

However, the trick is not to overdo it as a full beard is often associated with aggressiveness, and fewer women find it attractive. The so-called ‘five o’clock shadow’, on the other hand, is usually considered very sexy.

4. Being chivalrous and gentle

It’s true that a man has to be strong and capable of protecting and providing for his family. However, strength doesn’t equal rudeness. Women today appreciate chivalry and class even more than they did during the Victorian times. Perhaps it’s because so few real gentlemen are left.

Simple gestures, like opening doors and helping her to put on the coat will boost your attractiveness level and help build up your reputation as a ‘good man’. Combine this with being gentle and caring with your chosen girl, and you’ll definitely be a keeper.

5. Being open and able to express your feelings

The ‘strong, dark, and silent’ type works for heroines of teenage love stories who believe their ‘prince’ has to be otherworldly. Real women know that fantasies are nice, but building relationships with this kind of guy is just too complicated.

To amp your attractiveness, you need to show that you are able of understanding the girl’s needs and wants and communicating your own. Show your girl that you care about her and don’t keep quiet about the things you want for yourself. Sometimes you just have to talk it out and your relationship will soar to new heights after this.

Cheers!

"I Love You" Is More Of Actions Than Words

Actions speak louder than words do.

By Anonymous

In a relationship, no three words ever seem to make us act as crazy as the phrase “I love you.” When you hear this, it’s easy to just believe it on face value. Unfortunately, not every guy who says these words is honest when he says them (judging from personal experience). Some even will tell you they love you just so that they can use you or abuse you.

The fact is that you can’t trust a guy’s words when it comes to showing love. If you want to see how men say I love you and how much he really cares about you, look at his actions. The following 9 actions are way better indicators that he really cares about you than what’s coming out of his mouth.

1. How often he changes his behavior when you tell him something he’s doing is upsetting you.

A guy who actually loves you will do whatever he can to keep you happy by his side. If he hears that something is bothering you, a guy who loves you will fix it. If he ignores it, he’s basically saying that your happiness is not enough of a priority for him to change that behavior.

2. His commitment.

A guy who says “I love you” but won’t commit is a guy who doesn’t actually love you. If he makes a point of asking you to be official with him and makes moves to put you off the market, then he definitely loves you.

3. How quickly he picks up your calls.

Even if he says he loves you, a man who’s “too busy” to text back for days or hours probably isn’t being legit. Think about it. When you love a guy, you can’t wait to hear from him, can you? The same applies for guys. Guys will make time for things they care about.

4. How often he helps you with the chores.

I’m a firm believer that a guy who really loves you will help out with the more menial tasks you do, just because he knows it’d make you happy. If he isn’t at least picking up a broom or doing the dishes once in a while, he’s taking you for granted.

5. His cuddling.

One of the most common ways that people show affection is through hugging and cuddling one another. It’s an intimate act, and it’s one that really is often only reserved for people we really care about. This is especially true for guys, who often may have trouble showing feelings this way. How physically affectionate he is with you, even when sex isn’t involved, says a lot about how he feels about you.

6. How much he tells you what's on his mind.

A good way to gauge how close someone feels you are to them is to see how much they reveal to you or how much they talk to you. If you notice that he doesn’t feel okay with telling you his real opinion, this isn’t a good sign. However, if he’s a constant gabfest, then it’s very likely that he really is deeply in love with you.

7. How often he gives you gifts “just because.”

It’s really rare to find a guy who showers a girl with gifts late into the relationship. If a guy does this after you’ve been dating for years, yes, he does really love you.

8. If he stands up for you and your relationship.

A man who is worth a damn and actually cares about you won’t just sit there idly if he hears someone trash talking you. He also won’t let a person do something that poses a risk to your relationship.

If he refuses to set healthy boundaries with people who tear you down, he doesn’t love you enough to be worth keeping. On the other hand, if you notice that he defends you when others talk smack, he’s a keeper and he loves you. It’s just that simple.

9. If he sticks by your side when things aren’t good.

You wouldn’t believe how many men can be “Mr. Perfect” when things are great and “Mr. Invisible” when things aren’t. If he’s the type of guy who can stick with you through thick and thin, that’s real love you’re seeing. 

Cheers!

3 Relationship Myths That Should Be Forgone, To Find The Love You Deserve

Don't buy into this BS.

By Anonymous

The list of other people’s opinions on the topic of relationships is endless. There are articles, advice columns and, of course, input from family and friends about every aspect of a relationship you can imagine.

But, what if none of it is true? What if most of what we’ve been taught about relationships are based on myths and misconceptions? What if the secret on how to find love is that you could choose what actually works for you? It is, after all, your life. 

Here are 3 relationship myths that could be interfering with you having the life you truly desire and the tools to turn it around.

Myth #1: It’s better to be in a relationship than to be single.

If you are single, you know what I'm talking about. How often are your friends and family trying to "set you up"? How often do you get asked whether or not you’ve "found someone"? A lot of significance has been placed on relationships and with that comes the idea that YOU should have one.

What if a relationship is simply a choice? What if being single wasn’t right or wrong, better or worse? What if you could choose what works for you regardless of what anyone else has to say about it?

Sometimes, it can be hard to know what you truly desire with regards to relationships. Everyone else’s points of view can make it difficult for you to have your own. Something I discovered is that when something is true for you, it makes you feel lighter.

When something is not true for you, it makes you feel heavier. If you start asking questions, recognizing which choice feels lighter, and then choosing that, your life will get much easier. 

Myth #2: Prince Charming exists; you just need to wait long enough to find him.

How many of you bought the idea that one day, Prince Charming, Mr. or Mrs. Right, the one who can do no wrong, will come riding in on a white horse, whisk you off into the sunset of happily ever after?

Of all the couples that you know, have you ever seen this occur? And, is that what you REALLY desire anyway? How small do you have to make yourself in order to need someone to come and rescue you? To save you? To give you the life you desire? 

You are far greater than you know and if you will embrace your greatness and let go of the illusion of Prince or Princess charming, YOU will begin to create your life as the fun, playful and joyful celebration you desire. 

Start to ask this question, "What’s right about me that I’m not getting?" Most of us are very good at judging ourselves. If you start asking this question, you begin to perceive the greatness of you rather than the wrongness of you which empowers you to choose and to create your life as you would like it to be — whether anyone else is in it or not.  

Myth #3: If I care about my partner, I will sacrifice myself.

We've been taught that if we care for someone, we sacrifice for them. When we buy this as real and true, we cut off parts of ourselves in order to prove our care. Have you ever noticed that this doesn’t work? And, have you ever noticed that when you care for you, you actually care more for others?

The world is asking for you to show up with all of you — all of the beauty, brilliance, and greatness that you can be. When you cut off pieces of yourself to fit into a relationship, everyone misses out on the amazing gift of you! 

What would your relationship be like if you brought ALL of you into it? What would you create in your relationship and in the world, if you never stopped choosing for yourself? 

You can start by taking one hour a day to something that you love. Take a walk. Read a book. Paint a picture. Go for a swim. Sit somewhere in nature that is enjoyable to you. Choose for you and let them the joy, kindness and care overflow.

Relationship myths don’t have to determine anything for you. You can create what works for you, whether that includes a relationship or not. Be willing to let go of what others have told you SHOULD be and choose what you know CAN be that works for you.

Cheers!

Love Tips- How To Stay Strong Together During Tough Times

How to grow stronger ... together.

By Anonymous

I just heard it again today. A friend was speaking about his life and reported on how different it is now than what he thought it would be at this point.

Yes, friends, life happens!

Life has a way of taking unexpected twists and turns and there is often little or no warning.

Some changes are welcome and bring great joy and celebration. Some changes result in more work and effort, and some changes can knock us flat, bringing change to the entire course of our lives.

The old and traditional wedding vows include the words “for better or for worse" for a reason. 

The big idea here is that we are committing to stick it out together, regardless of the things that life throws at us.

It is not so hard to deal with the good things that come along. It's when we have to deal with “worse" that it can create a lot of stress, hardship, work and even conflict and division in our relationships.

Some of the changes in life that are hard to deal with might include: the loss of a job, getting a job that requires a major move, a natural disaster striking, an unexpected pregnancy, the loss of a child, a serious and/or chronic illness in your immediate family, the loss of close friends, caring for aging parents or the loss of a parent, a serious injury, and many others.

You made promises to each other to stick together, to stick it out and to be there for each other no matter what.

You had a dream of how life was going to be. 

Things have changed, or if they haven’t changed yet, they will; and you are struggling. The reality is, so is your partner and whether or not you realize it, you might be taking it out on them.

What do you need to know and what do you need to do to get through it and not only stay intact as a couple but still able to thrive in your relationship?

These six basic concepts are a great place to start:

1. Be prepared for change, because it's going to happen.

As stated before, life happens, and it can change radically in a moment of time. 

If we have never accepted the idea that things can change on us, it can be a hard pill to swallow.

Some never are able to come to terms with the change they didn’t ask for, didn’t deserve and didn’t want and remain distraught, depressed and disappointed for far too long.

Come to terms with the idea that things can change, and that you can and will adapt if and when it happens.

2. Allow yourself to whine, complain, moan and to grieve!

Most of the changes listed above come as an unexpected shock and can hurt deeply. Depending on what you are dealing with, it may hit one of you much harder than the other, or it may nail both of you equally as hard. 

In either case, allow time to have an emotional response.

When something hurts and hurts badly, we have to cry out in pain — there is nothing wrong with it — in fact, it is the right thing to do. 

Not everyone you know may be able to handle your particular emotional reactions, so only share it with those who are safe for you, but let it out.

Take some time to whine about it, cry about it, gripe about it, talk about the unfairness of it all and grieve what you have lost.

While this is going on, give each other a lot of grace. 

This part of dealing with change is no fun at all and is hard work, but it is part of the process.

3. Work to move PAST the emotions.

While we all need time to sit in our pain and whine a little, it is NOT healthy to stay stuck in this step.

You are two different people, and the time needed for this may vary for each of you. You may move past the pain for a while, and then be sucked back into it.

This is to be expected, and requires patience and grace when you and your spouse are moving at different paces.

Lots of honest, open communication needs to take place, many times late into the night. 

Allow your spouse to move out of the pain when ready — even if you are not (and vice versa).

4. Be determined to pull close together, not be pulled apart. 

Because we all deal with grief and loss differently, we cannot expect our spouse to handle it exactly as we do.

Grief and loss sometimes cause confusion, at other times anger; and we sometimes need someone or something to blame.

You came into this loss together. 

As you learn on a deeply intimate level what it is like to grieve together, you can come out of this stronger than before it all started; but, it will take effort, work, and determination.

5. Don’t go through it alone. 

While the two of you may be feeling all alone, you are not the only couple to ever face this challenge. 

The details of your ordeal may be different than others, but you are not the first to face the basic challenge in front of you. 

Others have faced it and have successfully gotten through it. You can too.

If you have spiritual resources, tap into them, turn to trusted friends or find a support group or chat room online that is helpful and supportive.

6. Remember your commitment to each other. 

Get back to the business of living your lives as soon as you are able to do so.

The thing that changed your lives may be a permanent part of your story now, but you still have the need and the right to live your lives and to enjoy your relationship.

It is OK to begin planning to enter back into a new “normal” of life and to begin having fun and celebrating the “better” that is still a part of your life.

If life is going well for you right now —​ enjoy every minute of it.

Just stick these thoughts in the back of your mind so that you don’t get knocked down for too long when life changes — because chances are it will.

When it does, you can successfully navigate it and continue to thrive as a couple.

Cheers!