Marriage Tips- How To Strengthen The Friendship In Your Marriage

True friends are never apart; maybe in distance, but never in heart.

By Anonymous

“True friends are never apart; maybe in distance, but never in heart.”

This quote rings true for couples. We all want to know the secret to making love last, but what if it was as simple as just being your partner’s friend? Does that sound a little too easy?

According to research by Dr. John Gottman, long-term vitality and connection is maintained through moments of intentional friendship woven throughout the course of your relationship. Below are simple ways to strengthen the friendship in your marriage.

1. Make small moments into pivotal experiences.

Think about the honeymoon phase of your relationship. That time when everything about your partner seemed fascinating. Eros had taken hold of you, and everything from your partner’s hair follicles to their crazy comments to the passionate way they looked at you drew you even closer to them. You were head over heels!

Fast forward a year or two into your relationship. No doubt there are moments that still draw you to your partner, but you notice that “flame” is a little less vibrant and it seems like more of a chore to make time to be together. This is when the intentional work of maintaining your marital friendship is most important.

Couples in long-term relationships must learn to make the seemingly small and mundane moments actually pivotal moments that show your partner you are in tune with their world.

“Are we out of olive oil? I forgot to check when I was in the kitchen earlier.” Partner shrugs and doesn’t look up from the magazine they are reading. Or, Partner puts their magazine down and responds: “Hmm, I have no idea. But I’ll check on my way out and stop into the store on my way back from the gym later and grab one!”

The difference is that you intentionally take the time to tune in, actively listen to, and respond to your partner in a way that leaves them acknowledged and heard.

2. Express genuine interest in your partner.

Do you do fun things together during your free time? You don’t have to have the same interests as your partner, but you can absolutely enjoy time spent together by engaging in one of their (or your) interests.

Open yourself up to the opportunity of doing things you may not otherwise do on your own, for the sake of your relationship. What you will find is that, through your willingness to do so, these activities actually become enjoyable. The goal is not to force yourself to like golf if you don’t enjoy golfing, but to look for moments to enjoy with your partner while you are golfing with them.

3. Make everything positive in your relationship foreplay.

As contrary as it may sound, the smallest ways that you acknowledge your partner’s questions and expressions are the most significant in strengthening and securing your physical bond. According to Dr. Gottman’s research, there is actual legitimacy to the “romance starts in the kitchen” mantra.

Daily experiences like doing the dishes, folding laundry, watching TV, or cooking together can be opportunities for a deeper connection to occur. These can be moments to share about your day, talk about your goals, or simply to check in on how each other is feeling.

4. Make your friendship unconditional.

When you think of your closest friends, you probably know that there are few things (if any) that could dissolve the bond between you. There is an acceptance of your differences, an understanding that you may disagree on certain issues but love each other nonetheless.

Simply bringing this mentality into your marriage will do wonders for your connection and romance. Recognizing that you will have differences in opinion and ways of addressing certain issues that come up throughout your life can allow you to explore your partner in a different way.

Work stress, issues with the kids, issues with other family members, and so many other things can overflow into your marriage. There should be no conditions when it comes to showing up for your partner. Treat your partner with the same understanding and unconditional support as you would hope to receive from them.

5. Be on your partner’s team.

This goes beyond being able to accept your differences. When it comes to you and your partner versus the world, you should always take the side of your spouse. Never side with the enemy.

Show genuine interest in being on your partner’s side, and never do or say things that could leave them feeling insignificant or alone. Stand up for your partner when you see them feeling uncomfortable in a social setting. Ground yourselves in your relationship by reminding your partner of your future goals when they are doubting themselves.

As with any friendship, your marital friendship is a bond that must be nurtured and prioritized. Creating meaningful experiences, showing genuine interest in one another, prioritizing romance, and being on the same team are all simple, daily actions that you can make right now to strengthen your marriage.

Cultivating these will become a lifeline for your relationship and, later down the road, could potentially save your marriage from otherwise drifting apart.

Cheers!

Religious Tips- God Does NOT Approve Of Gay Marriage

By Anonymous

If the Bible is indeed God's word, gay marriage doesn't fly.

I'm an evangelical Christian. I'm proud of my faith. My salvation defines me more than anything else. My relationship with God affects everything I do. I try to keep the Lord in mind when I make life decisions, and attempt to treat others in a Christ-like fashion. (Attempt. Trust me: I'm far from perfect.)

When I was born again, my life got better. I was changed. I was given a more eternal perspective; granted forgiveness, followed by peace, in Christ's sacrifice on the cross for my sins; blessed with a hunger to improve myself.

Because of my faith, I'm transformed — and I love to talk about it. Well, you know, except in a few circumstances ... the super-uncomfortable, 

Christians get a lot of flack for holier-than-thou attitudes and gay-basher mentalities. And while I think too many use the Lord's name to mistreat others, the real evangelical perspective on homosexuality has been muddled.

Let's try to clear it up. Let's start with the Bible.

Christians see the Bible as the holy and inspired Word of God, and accept it as 100 percent fact. So, it should be simple. Turn to the Bible and find answers about homosexuality. Easy, right? Um, yeah. Hardly. That just sparks a whole lot of debate. 

Recently, there have been so many questions and arguments about what the Great Book really says on the matter. First, though, everyone needs to stop assuming that the Bible says one thing but implies another. There is no code. God says what He means.

And the Bible is very clear on the matter of homosexuality: Male-with-male and female-with-female unions were never a part of God's plan for humanity, and they don't please Him.

From the very beginning of the Old Testament, God's view is explicit. Leviticus 18:22 says, "Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin" (NLT). The sentiment is reiterated in 20:13: "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads." 

"Put to death" and "blood on heads" seems like pretty clear dissatisfaction to me. But let's go a step further.

Much has been made about these verses as Old Testament ideology — that they're just outdated. It's true that Jesus never specifically talked about homosexuality in the Gospels. He never sat down with his disciples and said, "Don't do it," or gave a sermon in front of the masses declaring his adamant disapproval. Somehow, that invites speculation that maybe Jesus, the Son of God, didn't care so much.

Not so.

As the Evangelical Presbyterian Church's teaching on homosexuality is quick to point out, "Jesus did not refer directly to homosexuality. However, our Lord made clear that He came not to destroy the Law, but to fulfill it. He not only fulfilled it, He strengthened it."

Jesus fulfilled 332 separate prophesies laid out in the Old Testament to show his supreme authority as ruler of heaven and earth. Rest assured, he was concerned about the teachings in the Old Testament. He fulfilled them. The New and Old Testament are intricately linked. We cannot throw out what the Old Testament says because it's more convenient to new-age thinking.

Over and over again, God displays that He is an unchangeable God. "I am the LORD, and I do not change" (Malachi 3:6, NLT); "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" (James 1:17); "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End" (Revelation 22:13).

God was the same God when He created the universe as He is today. When divine inspiration crafted The Bible, it was meant to last the ages. Its messages were meant to teach across generations and throughout nations. God wouldn't have given Christians an outdated manual. Everything He needs His children to know is still right there within the pages.

And although Jesus never taught specifically on homosexuality, the apostle Paul did. In the New Testament, Paul touches on the subject in multiple places. In Romans, he talks about God's reaction: "So God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things with each other's bodies. They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself ... That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other" (Romans 1:24-1:26 NIV).

God was hurt by their actions. And the unchangeable God is still hurt today.

So, homosexuality? God isn't a fan. He has said so since the very beginning of time, since the early parts of the Old Testament through the New Testament writings of Paul, so I tell you this with complete certainty. But before you stop reading, consider something more.

You know what God really isn't a fan of? God just isn't a fan of sin. All sins hurt Him.

Often when this debate rages over Christianity and gay rights, advocates and opponents seem to forget that it's not just homosexuality that God has expressed His disfavor toward — it's sin in general. It's lust, greed, murder, adultery, lies, abuse, rage, premarital sex. The list goes on and on. God has declared many acts sinful in nature, and yet we partake in them anyway.

Luckily though, that's what grace is all about.

I'm sure Jesus would treat any sinner the same way, much like he treated the adulterous woman. When a crowd wanted Christ to sentence her to death by stoning, he shocked the bystanders with a message, His message, of overwhelming grace. "'If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her'" (John 8:7 NIV). When no one took him up on the offer, he continued: "'Neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared. 'Go now and leave your life free of sin'" (v. 11).

Bottom line? God hates sin. But He loves the one who commits the sin. It's why He sent Jesus to die, because He loves humanity that much — no exceptions.

Whether we're Christian or Jewish, white or black, men or women, gay or straight, He offers salvation based on Christ's sacrifice and no other requirements. Paul wrote that God "wants everyone to be saved and understand the truth" (1 Timothy 2:4 NLT), and that's what Christian attitudes toward gay marriage and homosexuality should reflect.

And I believe that's what most Christians' attitudes toward gay rights really do try to reflect: God's love, the Bible's truth, and salvation as the ultimate goal for all humanity.

Cheers!

What It REALLY Means When You Dream About Cheating

By Anonymous

What appears obvious in a dream is usually not.

In the infinite realm of dreams, there are many common themes, such as flying, falling, being chased, being naked in public, and discovering new rooms in your house.

Dreams of sexual experiences are also common, including being with someone who is not your spouse or partner.

Therefore, it’s best not to interpret your — or anybody else’s — dreams by the feelings they provoke in your waking consciousness.

First, be aware that dreams speak to us in their own language. What appears obvious in a dream is usually not. Rather, dreams communicate to us in the language of symbols.

A dream dictionary can provide insight as to the meaning of certain things that appear in your dreams, like animals, vehicles, foods, machines, and natural objects.

However, the most relevant meaning of any symbol will be your own, and this is what makes dream interpretation equally so fascinating and so confusing. The dream language of each person is altogether unique.

Second, it’s important to be aware of the difference between your emotional reaction inside the dream (while asleep) AND outside of it (after you wake up).

Your first-person experience in the middle of dreaming, including all its related sensations and feelings, is called the "dream ego." This is different from your perception of the dream after you wake up, which is that of the personal or conscious: the ego.

Attempting to interpret a dream ONLY from the perspective of personal ego can cause us to be reactive or defensive. This will block us from the exploration of the dream’s deeper meaning.

If you have a dream about cheating, then, identify whether the dream ego or personal ego regarded the episode as such.

Say, in the midst of a dream about cheating, your dream ego is feeling in a state of complete bliss. Consider that the dream might be inviting you to reflect on your inner capacity for intimate connection in your waking life.

Conversely, obsessing over your personal ego’s reaction to this dream is likely to cause self-judgment, even shame.

In the language of dreams, every character is a symbol for some aspect of yourself.

So in the version of the dream presented above, the person your dream ego is cheating with might instead be interpreted as the "sensual" part of you, which is inviting you to confidently bring forth that quality in your waking life.

Instead, if your personal ego feels guilty about having had the dream, you close off any meaningful attempt to interpret it and perhaps create unnecessary anxiety for yourself.

In a dream, what if "you" cheat with someone you actually know in waking life? Foremost, beware not to confuse the characters who appear in dreams with the actual people they represent.

For example, say you have a dream in which the character "you" cheat with is the hot new neighbor. One interpretation of the dream might be that your inner "hottie" is nudging you to be more playful, flirty, or loving with your own partner in waking life.

Another kind of interpretation is to reflect on what cheating symbolizes to you. Has your life’s experience been that cheaters "get ahead", "get caught", "get punished", or "get the better of you"?

For instance, if you regard that cheaters are those who "get ahead", your dream might be using the cheater as an inner catalyst to draw out the assertiveness that you’ve suppressed.

In this sense, the cheater in your dream is not immoral but simply a messenger.

Dreams of behaving wildly are provocative and shocking to get your attention. Otherwise, you likely wouldn’t pay them any attention.

Importantly, such dreams are NOT reliable predictors that you or your partner are about to do something wild or self-destructive.

Because provocative and shocking dreams can be so confusing, even troublesome, it helps to seek someone who can help you process them objectively.

Certain therapists, like Jungian analysts, are specially trained to work with dreams. Alternatively, you might find or start a dream group in your local area, where people come together in a mutually-supportive space to share and reflect on each other’s dreams round-robin style.

When you’re curious about your dreams instead of afraid of them, you can uncover powerful insights about yourself, your desires, your inspirations, and even your purpose.

Don’t cheat yourself out of the opportunity to discern the deeper message of your dreams, but dive in with an open heart and prepare to blossom.

Relationship Tips- Ways Type-B Personalities Love Differently

By Anonymous

Trust me, the perks are endless.

Introvert. Type B personality. Call us whatever you like, just know that we're going to write a passive-aggressive Facebook status about it later.

Type Bs' tendency to over-think can sometimes prevent us from taking action and get us in trouble. But it's also the main reason why we make better partners:

We always think before we act.

Here are the benefits of earning the love of someone who's stuck inside their own head:

1. We're “all or nothing” with people.

And that's particularly beneficial if you're on the "all" side of the equation. Most introverted people tend to have a small group of people they focus all their love and attention on, rather than spreading it across countless acquaintances.

That means you're going to get a much higher proportion of our energy and attention (and therefore love) than with someone who's more of a social butterfly.

We'd rather give a few people 100 percent of ourselves, than many people a tiny fraction.

2. We listen more closely than the Anything.

As introverts, we're just more comfortable inside our own head. And as such, we'd rather be receiving information than distributing it.

The benefit for you is that you're getting someone who really listens, and isn't just waiting for their turn to talk. And that's how people connect and grow closer as a couple through learning about each other, remembering what matters most to the other person, and feeling as though your emotions are tied to theirs.

3. When it comes to love, we show it instead of talking about it.

A 'type B' personality might not opt for the grand, sweeping gesture by default. We're not going to shout your name from the mountaintops.

But we're the ones who are going to bring you take-out when you're stuck working late. We're going to do a DIY art project centered on an inside joke of our relationship.

It's not just because we listen; It's because we HEAR you. And we're stuck in our own heads — a place you're occupying a massive share of because of that "all or nothing" mentality.

4. We're not the jealous type.

Introverts understand the need for personal space more than anyone. We're not going to spend the night worrying about what guy friends you go out to happy hour with because we're likely to be enjoying that time to rejuvenate ourselves.

Being around other people can physically drain introverts, so we value our alone time. That means we understand that you might need your own, as well.

5. We're extremely patient.

'Type B' personalities don't get caught up in the moment. 

While a more 'type A' person might be looking to take an action in any given moment — say, during a heated argument — we're always just thinking. Rash decisions aren't part of our mental architecture.

The upshot is that we're a lot better at dealing with crises and rough patches in a relationship. Anyone can be a great partner when the going is easy, but only we can be a great partner when the going gets tough.

6. We're big believers in self-improvement

Want a partner that just keeps getting better? Part of the very definition of being introspective is the preoccupation with one's self.

Because our critical gaze is often turned inward, it means we're always thinking about ways to improve ourselves and our lives.

7. We admit to (and correct) our mistakes.

As a corollary to the above point, we're constantly judging ourselves and analyzing our decisions. There's nothing worse than a partner who digs themselves a hole and then stubbornly refuses to leave it out of pride. That ain't us.

Happy Weekend.

Cheers!

There Are 4 Relationship Patterns — Which Is Yours?

By Anonymous

Maybe you and your boyfriend exclusively wear hats and speak in code. 

Maybe the most romantic thing the two of you do is amateur plumbing together. That's adorable. 

I don't know your life! 

While every single romantic relationship is different in small ways, according to a new study on relationships there are just FOUR different types of patterns that every single relationship (successful or not) falls into. 

At first, I kind of thought this was bullshit.

But then I actually read the breakdown and was able to put every relationship I've been in one of the four categories.

Check them out and see if you agree! 

If you do, excellent. If you don't, I don't know what to tell you. 

Either way, knowing your relationship type is super important, especially if you're just starting out.

Maybe you've decided that a dramatic relationship isn't for you. 

Then watch for the signs and can re-direct your energies toward the type of guy or relationship you really want. 

Regardless, this info can be super helpful to help you fix problems with your love — or yourself!

1. Dramatic relationships

34% of the relationships studied fell into this category.

And be warned, it's a bummer. 

Dramatic relationships are those that characterized by having tons of changes in their commitment level. 

You know the kind of relationship we're talking about.

The one where you guys are all hot and heavy, but then "he needs space."

Or, you go from being exclusive to opening things up, then back to exclusive when one of you freaks out with jealousy. 

FUN TIMES.

Dramatic relationships are just that:

Dramatic! 

The study found that couples in dramatic relationships were twice as likely to break up as couples in one of the other stages. 

So keep that in mind the next time your BF says he wants to pump the breaks. 

One time is fine, but is this a pattern? Can your heart take that?

2. Conflict-ridden relationships 

12% of relationships studied fell into this category. 

This one left a pit in my stomach, because I think up until now, it's the kind of relationship that I've fallen into. 

Couples in conflict-ridden relationships can experience changes in their level of commitment, but it's not as common.

It's more likely that there are issues they don't discuss that are holding them back from marriage or from making a bigger commitment. 

Couples in conflict-ridden relationships can get stuck casually dating, or living together for years without making a decision about marriage. 

It's not because they don't care about each other, it's because there are issues that they know they need to work on if they ever want to move forward. 

The study did show that conflict-ridden relationships are LESS likely to break-up, probably because in order to do that they would have to, you know, actually talk about what was going on with them both. 

3. Socially-involved relationships

19% of couples studied fell into this category.

Socially-involved couples tend to make big decisions about their relationship depending on how their family and their friends see their significant other.

Like, you love your boyfriend, but you guys haven't made a decision about moving in together because his mom isn't crazy about you, or because you're still waiting for your dad to stop shooting murder eye lasers at him. 

I am 100% guilty of sometimes holding off on making relationship decisions because I care (maybe too much) what my family thinks! 

Anyone else?

Socially-involved couples can move at a slower rate than other couples but also have a lower break-up rate. 

4. Partner-focused relationships 

30% of couples studied fell into this group. 

Partner-focused relationships are, well, exactly what they sound like!

These relationships move forward at a steady consistent pace because the people in them are focusing their attentions on their partner, instead of on drama, ignoring conflict, or worrying about the opinions of other people.

Folks, this is the dream relationship pattern. 

You want to be able to build something special with the person you love, and how else are you going to do that if you don't focus on them and listen to them.

Of course, you should still have a life outside of your partner, but if you hope to make a long-term commitment, you've got to work with them to build it. 

Cheers!

Marriage Tips- 10 Tips On How To Save Your Marriage From Divorce

By Mercy Williams

Here are 10 tips on how to save your marriage from divorce.

1. Decide what you really want. 

Do you really and truly want to save your marriage? Or, are you only trying to save your marriage because:

• that’s what you’re "supposed" to do
• that’s what everyone else is telling you to do
• you’ve made a commitment and don’t want to go back on your word (even though your gut is screaming, "Get out!")

Be honest! If all (or most) of the reasons you want to save your marriage come from outside of you, while, on the inside, you really want a divorce, you are going to be fighting against yourself.

2. Look for solutions, not scapegoats.

Blaming your spouse for all of your problems is not going to make them want to shower you with love. It’s also not going to solve your problems. 

Of course, blame has its upside. When I can convince myself that my spouse is the cause of whatever problem I have, I don’t have to admit that I may have had a hand in creating my own misery.

It’s far easier for me to get mad at my spouse for making us late for dinner because he couldn’t find his keys than it is for me to admit that if I hadn’t waited to get dressed until ten minutes before we had to leave, we wouldn’t have been late either.

3. Stop keeping score. 

Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. If you’re keeping score, you’re going to lose. Actually, you’ve probably already lost. It really is that simple.

Marriages have a natural ebb and flow. Sometimes you will do more. Sometimes, your spouse will do more. That doesn’t mean that you should carry the whole weight of the relationship yourself.

It does mean that you shouldn’t keep a running tally in your head of everything your spouse "owes you" if you’re doing more than your share.

4. Decide whether you would rather be right or happy.

If you need to "win" every argument, you will soon find yourself arguing alone. If you think that your way of doing things is the best (or only!) way of doing them, you will quickly end up doing everything yourself.

5. Avoid the four horsemen of the apocalypse. 

Four types of marital interactions are so harmful that renowned marriage therapists Drs. John and Julie Gottman have named them the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse." They are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.

If you find yourself doing any of these four things, stop now!

That means, stop criticizing everything your spouse does. Ditch the eye-rolling. Listen to your spouse’s complaints, instead of arguing about why you are right all the time. Finally, stop giving your spouse the silent treatment!

All of these things can do tremendous damage to your marriage.

6. Watch your mouth. 

After you’ve been married for a while, it’s easy to fall into a less-than-loving pattern of speech with your spouse.

Maybe you crack jokes at your spouse’s expense. Maybe you let sarcasm seep into your conversations. Or maybe you just become hyper-critical of everything your spouse says or does.

As much as we have the tendency to excuse the less than complimentary ways we talk to or about our spouse, the words we use matter. Wars have been waged and won, or lost, through the power of words.

7. Pay attention to your thoughts. 

The "person" who influences you the most is the voice inside of your head. (Yes. That means you!) What stories are you telling yourself when your spouse does something you don’t like?

When you come home from work and the house is a disaster does the voice inside of your head say, "Wow! I wonder what’s going on?" Or, does it say, "Again?!!! Why do I always have to do everything?!"

If you are constantly telling yourself that your spouse is a slob, a mess, selfish, arrogant, mean, or anything else that you absolutely despise, your marriage is not likely to improve very much.

8. Let your husband be a hero.

I fully understand how politically incorrect this statement is. As modern women, we are taught that we shouldn’t need a man to provide for us, take care of us, or save us. But, if you want a happy marriage, you have to let your husband be a man!

Men need to feel important. They need to be appreciated. They need to be right. If you want your husband to do things for you, you need to LET him do things for you (even if he doesn’t do them "your" way!)

You need to pay attention to what he does and thank him for it. You need to let him take credit for things and feel like he is right sometimes, even when you know in your heart that what he said was your idea.

9. Even if you don't think you need help, get help.

If you had a brain tumor, would you try to do brain surgery on yourself! I doubt it. Why is it then, when your marriage has a serious problem, you think that you can fix it yourself without getting help?

Marriage counseling, marriage coaching, couples retreats, and couples programs are all designed to give you tools to help you work out your marriage issues and make your marriage better. 

So many people struggle alone with marital problems because they think they should be able to figure them out on their own. But, when you’re up to your eyeballs in muck, it helps to have someone who has a big stick, and knows what to do to pull you out!

10. Learn before you burn your bridges.

It’s easy to think that divorce is the perfect solution when your marriage is making you miserable. But divorce is huge. It will change everything from your finances to your children and everything in between.

So, before you burn your bridges, make sure that you understand exactly what you will be facing if you decide to divorce.

Examine your finances. Can you afford to divorce? How will you support yourself after your divorce? Educate yourself. Do you understand how divorce really works? Do you know what your options are?

Sometimes, just seeing what will be involved if you get a divorce is enough to make you and your spouse give your marriage another try.

Can You Save Your Marriage?

Will following these tips save your marriage? Like any good adviser, I’ll tell you that the answer is definitely: it all depends.

It depends on you. It depends on your spouse. It depends on whether you and your spouse both want to save your marriage. It also depends on how damaged your marriage was before you started working on it.

Cheers!

3 Things EVERY Serious Relationship Must Have In Order to Survive

By Anonymous

You need to know this if you want to stay together.

It’s well documented that to build and maintain a long-lasting relationship, you need solid communication skills.

But for so many, “communication” means to speak, and not listen.

People wrongly spend their time waiting for their turn to speak instead of listening to their partners. And if/when they do listen, they don’t work to connect; they look to determine who’s right.

If things aren’t discussed in an open and transparent way, resentment will build. Real and imagined slights will create disconnection and contempt. People stop listening to each other.

They stop learning about their partner and themselves.

They grow, but in separate directions — fueled by fear, judgment, and a refusal to give their partners the benefit of the doubt.

“Communicating” isn’t enough to fuel a successful relationship.

When it comes to creating and maintaining a connection, listening with the intent to understand is not only needed … it’s required. And with active listening comes other requirements that create trust and connection:

1. Honesty. Being honest is something disconnected couples struggle achieving, usually for one main reason: They don’t want to be judged. And it’s not just with their partners that they fear judgment, but also with themselves.
   
   Being open to seeing your own imperfections creates room for self-improvement, as well as seeing your part in things with your partner.
   
   You have to speak your truth, and let go of the outcome.

2. Vulnerability. When things get tense, becoming defensive can be a natural reaction.
   
   But defensiveness will not only create even more distance, it will cloud the actual issues that are separating the couple. Couples looking to build a long-lasting connection need to trust that their partner isn’t going to weaponize statements, feelings, or situations; that “winning” isn’t the goal of a discussion. 
    
3. Acceptance. Disagreements are normal. It’s how those disagreements are handled and repaired that make the difference between connection and contempt.
   
   Acceptance demands only one thing: the notion that both people are speaking their truth and see things as they see them. What’s needed isn’t convincing the other that one is “right” and the other is “wrong.”
   
   Acceptance allows for each person to be “right” with a discussion and negotiation to fuel understanding instead of deciding who is ultimately “right.”

Communication is great. But if you aren’t willing to really get real with your partner, it won’t matter what you say.

Sometimes love’s biggest enemy isn’t what is said; it’s what is NOT said that kills a couple’s connection.

Cheers!

Fighting Is Essential In Every Relationship So STOP Avoiding It

By Anonymous

You've been together a few months and you've never had a fight. Now suddenly you do. Does this mean the relationship is over?

No. In fact, you're not even in a relationship until you've had a fight. You don't really know someone until you find out what they're like when they don't like you. And the key to fighting successfully is effective communication. 

With that in mind, let's discuss three ways that help you handle your first fight with a boyfriend with ease:

1. Stop digging the hole. 
When you get in a fight, you may think the whole relationship is in jeopardy. You may even ask "Do you still want to be with me?"

This is called digging the hole. When you take a problem and then you dig deeper. You're going to get a chance to discuss the problem, but first, stop digging the hole and taking the conversation where you don't want it to go.

2. Change the subject.

Problems are rarely solved in the moment they happen. Men especially need time to clarify their thoughts and be able to express them.

You may think, "We need to get to the bottom of this now." What I'm suggesting is that you allow things to be unresolved. Take a moment, breathe, and change the subject.

You can do this by doing something simple, like saying, "I understand. What do you want to eat for dinner?"

This signals a man you're confident enough to handle uncomfortable situations and it's not the end of the world.

3. Wait till you're back on track.

If you have the patience to not tackle the problem head-on, a guy will forget about it and remember why he likes you because it's fun to be with you and he's attracted to you.

The time to address uncomfortable feelings is when you're back on track. When you both remember you like each other, the problem won't seem like such a big deal.

Then you can bring it up by saying, "I love you. However, I have some uncomfortable feelings about XYZ. What do you think?"

Then listen intently and let him come up with a solution.

This is a very simple formula. Wait until you're both in a good place. Give him the problem by telling him what you feel uncomfortable about. Let him come up with a solution.

Fighting is not the end of the relationship. In fact, it's the beginning.

If you can remember to stop digging the hole, change the subject and wait until you're back on track, you'll have the confidence to handle uncomfortable situations with grace.

Cheers!