Top 5 Problems In Long-Distance Relationship And How To SOLVE Them

By Anonymous

It's not easy, but it's manageable.

Being involved in a long-distance relationship is not the easiest thing in the world. The physical distance alone can be devastating to all but the strongest bonds, but there are other factors that complicate things too. 

Here, we look at some of these "mischief-makers" and how to deal with them successfully. Finding a soulmate is hard enough; keeping one intact across the oceans is a different ball-game altogether.

1. Fights are inevitable.

Even in close proximity, fights between couples can't be avoided. With a long-distance relationship, this factor is multiplied many times over. So what's the answer to constant fighting over the phone or via Skype?

The solution: The only answer to this is dialogue: "The more you talk, the more you can talk it out." Don't just reserve your daily scheduled or unscheduled conversations to discuss "what’s going on with you" types of topics. Get into the real issues: your differences, your individuality, the need to resolve issues rather than complicate them, and so on and so forth.

Dialogue can not only help you resolve fights, but it can give you valuable insight into the other person's point of view. Over time, it is guaranteed to reduce the psychological distance between the two of you.

2. Jealousy will come out of the woodwork.

This is always an issue, especially if your partner has a better job or better location. It also extends to jealousy about their mingling with other people that you have no control over. Jealousy is a dangerous disease that needs to be nipped in the bud, so here's what to do.

The solution: Self-esteem is the only thing that can take jealousy away. If you are threatened by the other's success, you have only yourself to blame. Love who you are, not what others think about you. This kind of self-love has nothing to do with narcissism; it is the kind of self-love that gives you true self-confidence rather than a false sense of self-importance.

3. There's a strong fear of infidelity.

Obviously, if you're a thousand miles away and yearning for physical contact, this is a real danger. To avoid this, there's only one thing you can do.

The solution: Try to meet at least once or twice a year depending on the location. Plane tickets or bus tickets aren't that expensive if you plan for them in advance, and the sheer thrill of waiting for that moment will be worth the wait. Besides this, you also need to give each other the confidence that you love each other enough to abstain from physical relations with anyone else. It's not impossible, right?

4. There's also a fear of psychological separation.

This is far more tangible than anyone might think. Physical separation is one thing, but drifting away mentally is a far greater possibility with long-distance relationships. Of course, constant contact will bring you ever closer, but there's one other thing you can do to keep your minds "locked in" to each other.

The solution: Share your schedules with each other and send random messages through the day. Today's technology allows you to do this on the move so you don't have to wait to get to a laptop. Send a text, send a surprise e-greeting card, or just give your partner a missed call to let them know you’re thinking about them. This will bring you closer than actual physical proximity ever can.

5. You'll desperately miss each other.

There's not much you can do about the fact that you can't hold the person in your arms whenever you like. This is probably the most frustrating thing of all.

The solution: Exchange gifts that remind you of each other. Send them via online ecommerce like Jumia, Konga, Kaymu etc and hold on to these valuables. They say that a person's possessions carry a part of them wherever they go. Even if you don't believe that, the association of a person's possessions with that person is undeniable. It could be anything, as long as it gives you the feeling that they are right there with you.

Cheers!

5 Rituals For a Successful Marriage

Learn the tricks.

By Anonymous

There is definitely an art and a science to successful marriage. In order for your marriage to thrive, it’s important to create daily rituals of spending time together, showing fondness and esteem to your partner, and learning to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. Shared meaning and friendship are the glue that can hold a marriage together.

The key to a successful marriage is to reflect daily upon the importance of how you spend your time and developing rituals that promote better communication and atonement with your partner.

Creating daily and weekly rituals with your partner will help you to learn more about his or her passions and dreams. Author Nathaniel Branden explains that if you find time to admire your partner, not just for how he or she acts with you, but for how they operate in all spheres of their life, it will strengthen your love when it is being tested by adversity and conflicts. In The Psychology of Romantic Love Branden suggests that admiration is the most powerful foundation for a relationship.

6 Rituals for a Successful Marriage:

1. Eat meals together daily.

It may not be possible to do this each day but if you strive to eat five meals a week together, you’ll probably find you’re sitting down at the table together most nights. Turn off the TV and cell phones (no texting) and tune into your partner.

2. Set aside at least 30 minutes each day to sharpen your communication skills. 

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, author Stephen R. Covey advises us to seek first to understand: then to be understood. Open up the lines of communication with your partner by tuning in to what he or she is saying and validating him or her—even if you don’t agree. This should not be a complaint session but rather an opportunity to discuss things going on between you and to express your thoughts, feelings, and wishes.

3. Adopt a time weekly time to discuss a positive vision for your relationship. 

This will help you feel connected and develop a clear picture of where you are heading. Discuss your values and thoughts about a range of topics such as mundane matters (purchases) as well as heavier topics such as in-law issues and raising your children and/or stepchildren. Start with setting three goals that are meaningful to you. Keep in mind that it can take up to a month to see any change.

4. Find time for physical exercise and excitement each day.

Try to power walk around the neighborhood or go to the Gym together. Add a little novelty and excitement by going to dance classes. Studies show that sharing an exciting experience can bring couples closer together.

5. Hug it out and find ways to show physical affection.

It has been proven that hugging your partner for even thirty seconds a day actually increases your intimacy and passion. According to author Dr. Kory Floyd, physical contact releases feel good hormones. Holding hands, hugging, touching, and making out can release oxytocin (the bonding hormone) that reduces pain and causes a calming sensation. Studies show that it’s released during sexual orgasm as well. Physical affection also reduces stress hormones — lowering daily levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

Never underestimate the power of having a great time with your partner. Doing silly things like singing in the shower together or body surfing at the beach can bring joy and laughter. Telling jokes, watching funny movies, or anything else that brings you both pleasure can ignite passion and keep you connected.

Creating daily or weekly rituals will enable you to spend quality time together. Carve out time to be with your partner so you don’t become “two ships passing in the night.” Focus on spending time doing enjoyable activities that bring you both pleasure. 

Cheers!

What To Say To A Guy That Brings Up Sex Before You’ve Even MET

By Anonymous

Be clear about who you are:

If you’re not interested in a man once he brings up sex too early on, have a good standard response ready, one that reflects your boundaries.

• It was nice of you to say hi and check in but I am going to cut this conversation short. Talking about sex before our first date or before you even know my last name just doesn’t interest me. It’s clear we came to this site looking for different things. Neither of us will find what we’re looking for in this exchange. Have a good day.

Still want to educate him on what turns a woman on?

I get that you want to educate him about what really interests a woman. However, my bias here is that a man who leads with talk about sex really isn’t interested in what you think. He’s showing you who he is so believe him and move on.

That being said, I know it’s important for people to speak their truth and that part of that truth is not just communicating your lack of interest but that you find such talk so early on offensive.

If this is the case, be clear with yourself that speaking up is something that you are doing for you, regardless of whether or not it changes anyone’s mind or behavior.

Tell him what you want him to think:

• I know that we all come on here looking for or hoping for something. I know, too, that the internet can be a playground that lets us set the rules we want to play by. I just need you to know that I am not interested in talking any further.
• I was interested in getting to know you more because_____ and ____. However, before we’ve gotten past the “how do you dos”, you’re asking me____ and saying____ and I’m just not interested. That kind of commentary is_______ and I find it offensive. If you’re striking out with women other than me, this kind of talk might be why. Communicate transparently.

What if you are still interested in talking but just not about sex? You have to be really clear on that and set your boundaries accordingly. If he respects them, then he gets the green light and you two can continue to get to know him.

If he continues, consider this a red light. It’s your first red flag. You set a boundary and he disrespected it. Do not pass go. Just shut it down and move on. Do not continue to get to know someone who disrespects your limits. You know the ending to that relationship already.

Here are some things you can say:

• Hey, I am glad to start chatting with you but you don’t even know my last name yet. Don’t you think we should get to know one another before we talk about sex?
• Hey, now. If you just met me at your friend’s party 6 minutes ago, would you really be asking me what I like in the bedroom? Can’t we just date like it’s 1989 and get to know one another before we talk about getting naked?
• I get that with online dating that everyone feels free to talk about sex in the first conversation but that isn’t me. I’d prefer to establish that we actually like each other before sex enters this conversation.  

Write your own dating rules.

This is the part of dating that so many people seem to miss: the only rules that matter are yours.

Just because everyone is seemingly talking about sex right away doesn’t mean you need to. You get to decide what interests you, what you’re comfortable with, and what attracts you.

Don’t let what everyone else is doing change or influence your personal boundaries or limits.

You might think that if you say no to every man who mentions sex in the first conversation, you won’t meet anyone. That only means you won’t be meeting the men you are incompatible with and that’s not really a loss.

Yes, you might get some radio silence at first but eventually, someone will emerge from that rubble and will be similar to you with values more aligned to yours. The only way you’ll see him or find him is if you shut the rest of the noise down.

That guy….the one closer to your values, well, he takes his time, too. He might be quieter and more tentative. He might think you expect a shirtless pic of him right at the beginning! He may worry that you won’t think him confident or attractive enough.

Men like that have been programmed to believe that they finish last. Sometimes they live and act as if that’s true.

Pay attention to the men who respect your limits and look for the ones who don’t use sex talk to get your attention. That crowd may be smaller and quieter but it sounds like it’s there that you will find what you’re looking for.

5 Things That Makes A Guy Attractive To A Lady (Aside From His Looks)

By Anonymous

So what is it that makes a man attractive if not his look?

It turns out that ‘attraction’ is a highly complicated biochemical process, and there are dozens of factors that influence it. Some of these things are completely beyond our control, for example, the symmetry of your features or length of your ring fingers (did you know that men with fingers of similar length are believed to be more faithful?)

However, there are some things that you can actually influence, and that can bump up your attractiveness level in the eyes of women.

1. Having a purpose and achieving your goals

Studies indicate that goal-oriented people are seen as more attractive by default. We can’t keep from being drawn to individuals who have a sort of inner power and drive that pushes them forward.

When a woman looks at a man, she assesses him as a prospective life-partner. A devoted person with strong priorities and objective goals will win every time when compared with guys who lack a direction in life.

2. Dressing the part

Note that it’s not so much the price of your clothes that matters as their style and quality. An attractive man has to dress in fitting garments that will complement his figure. Your outfit must be stylish and fit both the occasion and your social status.

Don’t forget accessories as combining luxury timepieces with plain but high-quality clothes can help you create the veneer of style you need to make a great first impression. It’s what will get you the initial contact you need to show off your other attributes and charm the girl.

3. Having the right amount of facial hair

While there is no arguing the fact that facial hair is a matter of personal preference, social surveys clearly indicate that the majority of women see stubble as a rather sexy detail. It’s a symbol associated with masculinity from the dawn of time, and it can give you the hint of brutish appearance that is so popular today.

However, the trick is not to overdo it as a full beard is often associated with aggressiveness, and fewer women find it attractive. The so-called ‘five o’clock shadow’, on the other hand, is usually considered very sexy.

4. Being chivalrous and gentle

It’s true that a man has to be strong and capable of protecting and providing for his family. However, strength doesn’t equal rudeness. Women today appreciate chivalry and class even more than they did during the ancient times. Perhaps it’s because so few real gentlemen are left.

Simple gestures, like opening doors and helping her to put on the coat will boost your attractiveness level and help build up your reputation as a ‘good man’. Combine this with being gentle and caring with your chosen girl, and you’ll definitely be a keeper.

5. Being open and able to express your feelings

The ‘strong, dark, and silent’ type works for heroines of teenage love stories who believe their ‘prince’ has to be otherworldly. Real women know that fantasies are nice, but building relationships with this kind of guy is just too complicated.

To amp your attractiveness, you need to show that you are able of understanding the girl’s needs and wants and communicating your own. Forget about the outdated ‘men don’t do feelings’ shit and be real. Show your girl that you care about her and don’t keep quiet about the things you want for yourself. Sometimes you just have to talk it out and your relationship will soar to new heights after this.

Cheers!

Beautiful Night Prayer

Most times when we want to sleep, we forget to speak with the Father which I think is unfair because He loves us so much and wish to hear from us. He sees everything we are going through and has a perfect plan for everyone if we faint not but believe that his thought for us are of good and not evil to give us a wonderful end.

Kindly say the prayers in the video below:

Good Night!

Cheers!

REDEFINE YOURSELF

By Anonymous

Redefining ourselves is the act of repositioning ourselves physically, spiritually and mentally.

How do we redefine ourselves physically?

This has to do with how we project ourselves to the world physically through appearance. A lot of people have allowed fashion to redefine us in a negative manner through our dressing. Dressing is the act of looking “good”. To look good doesn’t mean we have to expose our body to the public. Your role model that exposes his or her body to the public shouldn’t dictate your life because that person has flaws which make him or her imperfect so let’s start dressing nice in a decent manner.

If you are dating a guy that doesn’t caution you when you dress inappropriately then you should look elsewhere because such a guy does not see you as a potential wife but a playmate.

How do we redefine ourselves spiritually?

This can be done in the following ways:

• By rededicating our lives to God and living a holy life.
• Reading our Bible and meditating on it.
• By committing ourselves to the spread of the gospel (evangelism)

How do we redefine ourselves mentally?

By staying positive all the time even when things are not working according to our plans especially in this economic recession. Mental redefinition is the driving force of our being as it controls our behaviours, thoughts etc so let’s be mindful of what we watch, what we read, who we listen to and the kind of friends we make everyday because all these affects us directly or indirectly.

Happy Sunday Everyone! 

Cheers! 

Jarod Wabick Inspirational Poems

We're all human, and we ALL have flaws.

One of the best ways to get inside someone’s head and really get to know them is through their writing. More often than not, authors use writing as a coping mechanism—pouring out all of their thoughts and ideas and feelings onto paper to try and make sense of it all (even when it seems totally hopeless).

Instagram poet Jarod Wabick is no stranger to this practice.

To be honest, being human really sucks sometimes. We’re constantly trying to figure it all out, make the best of the worst situations, and — a lot of the time — just trying to make it through the day.

But, each and every one of us is an important piece to the puzzle that is this world.

Throughout the majority of Jarod Wabick’s poems, you’ll find the themes of humanity, accepting yourself, and loving others as they are. The use of metaphors and imagery will suck you in and make you believe that he’s talking about YOU.

He does an incredible job of keeping a good balance of optimistic, yet realistic points of view, along with conveying how a lot of people often feel, but are unable to put into words.

So, why don’t you let him tell you how you REALLY feel and read through these 20 poems that are sure to make you think. 

On being who you want to be.

"With any luck we'll never find the things that we are looking for and, instead we become them."

— Jarod Wabick

On being optimistic and making things happen.

"Bury a hook into that light at the end of the tunnel and pull."

— Jarod Wabick

On what makes us human.

"Hell is had by all. Some prettier than others. Some uglier than others. And in the end we're more human than we started."

— Jarod Wabick

On the fire that burns in all of us.

"Stop putting out the fires inside of you because you're scared of being burned -- let them run absolutely wild."

— Jarod Wabick

On who we are now, and who we have always been.

"Problem is, the world didn't just forget who they are, but forgot what they are. What they are to each other. What they are to the reachin' trees and the sad heavy clouds. Forgot what they are to the animals, to the damned and the saintly, but mostly forgot what they are to themselves."

— Jarod Wabick

On judging a book by its cover, rather than what's between the pages.

"We're angry, it seems, because the lion's share of our beauty is on the inside, past the skin, in the caves and crevices where most never bother to look."

— Jarod Wabick

On trying to become the YOU that you want to be.

"Every shower was an attempt to wash away a layer or two of myself. And as the water grew hotter, my hopes grew stronger. But nothing ever changed. Even after the third or fourth shower in a day. So I was never really sure what swirled down the drain when I finally turned the water off."

— Jarod Wabick

On discovering who you are.

"The life I lived inside my head differed, vastly, in content and structure from the one that I lived outside of it. And I was never quite sure which one was driving me more mad."

— Jarod Wabick

On the overwhelming need for expression.

"If the words don't get out, they get comfortable and build cities inside me, then they riot and burn the whole goddamn thing to the ground."

— Jarod Wabick

On the grey areas in life.

"There's a terribly fine line between selfishness and self-preservation -- the same way there's a fine line between being human and humane -- and it's this line that's destroying us."

— Jarod Wabick

On what really keeps us grounded.

"We mistakenly believed that gravity still existed when it was really just these lead hearts and heavy thoughts that pulled us into the dirt."

— Jarod Wabick

On the demons we must face.

"I'd been up enough nights to know it was easier to dance with your ghosts than to fight them."

— Jarod Wabick

On loving the flaws of our lives.

"The scary part wasn't realizing that we were monsters -- it was realizing that we loved every minute of it."

— Jarod Wabick

On the beauty of vulnerability.

"People seemed most beautiful to me when their walls turned to drapes and fell to the floor, when their heads tilt ever so slightly to the side and they muscle a smile, and their labored lives come spilling out the corners of their mouths."

— Jarod Wabick

On our place on this Earth.

"If it could I'm sure the world would shake us off like a wet dog."

— Jarod Wabick

On the difference between good and bad.

"We were all monsters of some sort. Some of us just had softer claws than others."

— Jarod Wabick

On our relation to the animal world.

"We're just animals in button downs."

— Jarod Wabick

On society's norm.

"All at once it seemed that everyone had all the guts in the world and none at all."

— Jarod Wabick

On putting more weight on what's inside.

"You have to stop looking for beauty with your eyes. It's the only goddamn sense that doesn't have any."

— Jarod Wabick

On getting to the heart of humanity.

"Soul isn't found on the skin. You have to gut someone open with words, with compassion, with truth, then curl up inside for awhile to find soul."

— Jarod Wabick

Rethink Your Beliefs On Love And Life If You Want To Have A Happy Relationship

Time for a reality check

The beliefs you hold can greatly influence your attitude, and that in turn can be what’s keeping you single. Here are some of the signs:

1. You believe love is all about sacrifice.

No! Love is all about a partnership. It’s a give and take, and those two things should be done in equal measures. Martyrdom isn’t sexy, and in a healthy relationship, you aren’t focusing on what you need to endure to show your love.

2. You honestly hate the opposite sex, view them as the enemy, or don’t see them as totally human.

Believe me, I understand how this feels. However, the fact is that people can sense when you hate them, don’t respect them, or put them on a pedestal. And it’s not sexy. So unless you can kick that habit, don’t date anyone. It just won’t work out.

3. You feel like you "deserve" a spouse.

Yes, you may, in theory, deserve to have someone care about you. Unfortunately, no one is ENTITLED to love or sex, even if you’re a sweetheart. If you feel like you deserve a spouse or partner, it’s often a sign that you may not have healthy beliefs about what dating should be about or how life really is. Unrealistic expectations often mean that you’ll end up blowing up at people who don’t deserve to be yelled at, and worse.

4. You believe that someone better is always around the corner.

There are many, many people out there who are ready to dump perfectly good partners who are devoted, loving, and kind for someone who could theoretically be better. While there’s nothing wrong with ending a bad relationship for a better future, there is something wrong with ending a good relationship in hopes of “trading up.” Trust me when I say that these people often end up alone, traded out by people of similar mentalities.

5. People have told you, repeatedly, that your standards are unreal.

If you’re a 400-pound, unemployed man with a porn addiction, you’re not going to get a supermodel to be your wife. There’s nothing wrong with having good standards on how people treat you, but there is something very wrong with expecting someone who is way out of your league to just plop into your lap. Be realistic and you will likely find your better half, or improve yourself until you get what you want.

6. The way people act doesn’t make sense to you.

This may be a sign that your beliefs about how people are supposed to behave in a relationship aren’t based in reality. If you can’t make sense of it, it may be time to talk to someone about how things work.

7. People have tried to talk to you about how your behavior alienates or hurts people, but you don’t listen.

This may be a sign you need to listen to them and talk to a professional. The fact that people are telling you and trying to teach you about this says volumes about how bad it’s gotten.

8. You think everything else should be prioritized above your love life.

This is how most couples end up breaking up due to one partner neglecting the other. This is often the belief that leads many women to leave men who get controlled by their parents, too.

9. You think you can teach someone to love you.

Sorry, it sucks to say so, but love doesn’t work that way. While you can do things to perhaps increase the chances of attraction happening, you can’t force someone to love you or sleep with you. Life isn’t a dating simulation — it’s not formulaic, and it’s not always something you can control.

10. You think romantic relationships are something you have to “win.”

Love is not a game. It’s not a battle. It’s actually just two people who want to be together because they feel good together. If you can’t see that, you need to talk to a professional. This isn’t healthy.

11. You feel justified when you hurt your partner.

If you feel like there’s ever an acceptable time to hit your partner, emotionally abuse them or make them cry, you should not be in a relationship, period. You’re an abuser, and you need help, even if you don’t see it.

12. You feel like your happiness isn’t your own responsibility.

Nope. No, no, and NO! You can’t expect your romantic partner to make you happy or break down your walls. That’s your responsibility, not theirs. After all, the only person you can ever really change is yourself, no matter how much love you’re offering.

Cheers!