Appreciation And Apology To My Readers

I want to use this medium to appreciate everyone for being a source of blessing and motivation to me directly and indirectly.

May the Almighty God give us the grace to experience a better and prosperous new year.

Finally, I want to sincerely apologise to people I have offended directly or indirectly and I promise not to do it again #wink#.

Happy New Year in advance.

Your Myopic Concept Of Soulmate Is Keeping You Single

By Anonymous

Is there really just one match for everyone?

We are all looking for that special someone to share our lives with… that certain someone who "fits" as if he or she was meant to be there. This exquisite person who is our one true love, the person designed as our match: our soul mate.

For many people, this idea that they have one "ideal mate" is a concept they struggle with. When potential loves enter their lives during the dating stage, they are left wondering if there’s someone "better" out there.

The endless search for perfection often leaves these singles alone; more married to the search than they are to an actual relationship. Those who find healthy relationships discover the secret, that our soul mate isn’t actually perfect, but rather that person is "perfect" for us, flaws and all.

When someone takes a look at their life and realizes that they have been single for longer than they wished, often the search for the perfect mate is the cause. The very concept of a "perfect" match sets up the seeker for failure because all humans are flawed.

No one is perfect, and while we are not advocating for settling for less than you desire, the notion of "perfection" is a self-sabotaging principal. Looking for a soul mate may be keeping you from finding true love.

Are you stuck being single?
If you have been looking for love and struggling to find it, perhaps you’re stuck in "singlehood" because you’re walking around with a mistaken belief that there is one, and only one, true soulmate out there for you.
The truth is, there isn’t just one match for you, there are hundreds of them.

People who meet your criteria for emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual connections and who are looking for the same things you are from life and love. You just have to open your eyes and your mind to them.

To do this, let’s take a look at what a "soul mate" really is.

What is a soulmate?
A soul mate has been described as a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. Sometimes the terms "twin flame" or "twin soul" are used to describe the ultimate soul mate.

Even the term "soul" can be too esoteric for some people to understand. The concept of "soul" can most easily be understood as "your authentic self", the part of you that remains the same throughout your life although you may not be aware of it.

A soul mate helps you to experience "your authentic self". Some even think of their soul mate as literally the other half of their soul.

The problem with that last idea is that it implies that if your search for the perfect mate fails, then you’re doomed to live a life missing half of your soul.

The truth is that you come to a relationship — all relationships —  as a full and complete person.

Instead of completing a missing part of yourself, what soul mate relationships do is give you an opportunity to experience the parts of yourself that come alive inside of a relationship, parts that don't have a reason or purpose to exist without this relationship.

The only thing that's missing from your life without your soulmate’s presence is the opportunity to experience these other portions of yourself.

Think about what happens to someone when they have a child. The parent inside of them comes alive. That piece of their soul was always with them, but this particular part of their soul wasn’t needed until the child came along.

Along with soul mates come soul contracts.
If you can open your mind to the idea that there are many people on this planet to create a soulful connection with, it begins to remove the fear from your search.
Suddenly, instead merely searching for "The One" you’re now looking for soulful connections from everyone you meet. The definition of a soul mate changes to be anyone you choose to grow with, be they lovers, friends, children, co-workers, or family.

With these people, you form what’s called "soul contracts" and you act out different roles together.

Some soul mates become people who teach you things and then they move on. Other people will be in your life for decades to help your soul expand and share more of your true self with the world.

The soul contract that you form with a person you marry or engage in a lifelong partnership with is unique from any others because of the intimacy, vulnerability and time associated with it.

This is one of the many reasons we are so tied to the search for a romantic soul mate. We’re hungry to grow together with someone who wants the same thing for their lives.

Learn your lessons.
Something else to consider is that some soul contracts are played out in light — like best friends who come together or lovers who become partners in life.
Other soul contracts are played out in the dark. They are opportunities to experience your mutual flaws and your shadow self. When considering the business of your soul, it’s important to remember that all of our lessons matter; those that bring joy and those that are painful.

Learning the lessons experienced from our soul contracts are important so we can avoid repeating them.

All too often people get into similar relationships only to feel like "they’ve been there before". This is the sign that you’re repeating a lesson because you still need to understand why you got into this kind of relationship to begin with.

Understand the lesson and you will move on and stop attracting the same kind of partners.

Timing has a lot to do with how we connect with people and form these contracts. Many singles have had the experience of feeling like someone they were dating had the "possibility" to be the one, only to see it fizzle out because the timing was off.

In that experience, you get to taste the parts of your soul that are longing to come to light and the work here is to stay positive and assured that your soul is leading the way; it’s ready for love to come in.

The mistake many people make here is to misinterpret the signs to mean that they will never find love because the timing was off. That’s not the case.

The truth is that your soul is speaking to you now telling you to keep looking; to see this experience as a sign of what is possible when the timing is right and to learn from this experience so when you next feel this connection, you investigate the timing sooner than later.

Staying optimistic is your way of telling your soul you trust that the right things are going to happen and that you believe love is coming your way.

Growing in love is a lot like being a marathon runner. Every mile-marker they pass brings you one step closer to reaching your destination. The same is true of relationships that don't work out, there is insight and truth that can help you continue toward your true heart’s desire.

Your job is to not lose hope and to stay the course with your strongest desire true in your heart.

Ultimately, being with a true soul partner is all about being purposeful in love. We don’t magically "fall in love" with our soul mate, nor do we expect that there won’t be rough patches with the love of your life. It’s all about growing to be a better person.

When you understand more clearly what your soul is up to, from lessons to desires to fears, you will be more in control of who you attract to your life. From that place, you can seek out soul mates who inspire your true self to come to light.

Eden Ahbez sums it nicely in the words to his famous song featured in the film Moulin Rouge: "The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.”

Happy New Year in advance.

'Being Scared Of Love' Is A SILLY Excuse To Dump Someone

By Anonymous

If you're going to "get scared" then you shouldn't date at all.

There comes a time in every young, budding relationship for one or both of the interested parties to get spooked, freaked out, and contemplate calling it quits, resulting in them throwing away what could have potentially become a great relationship. Usually, this happens at a time when things are still going great and it's seemingly out of nowhere.

Think about it: how many relationships have we seen start off so promising, and then suddenly, they crash and burn quickly before our eyes? Was it that one of the people in the relationship was great at hiding their true colors and revealed them a little too soon? Did someone end up falling for someone else? Was it just not a good match?

In every relationship, especially in the early stages, there are an infinite amount of options that can result in its expiration. However, when two people who genuinely like each other start getting serious, do we ever think about the possibility that one or both of them could sabotage their new romance because of one reason and one reason alone? That reason being that they are afraid of love.
Ahhhh, the good old “scared” excuse. It's a super-convenient excuse for sh*tty relationship behavior, yet it wouldn't be a commonly used and abused excuse unless it was based upon some truth.

Let’s be honest: anyone who has been hurt is scared of being hurt again. As soon as you move on from that hurt, brave the dating world again, and start getting serious with someone, it feels the same way as it did in your past relationships. You feel excited and happy, yet vulnerable and terrified of a potentially bad outcome. Just as you felt before.

You can't help but ask yourself, “Where is this going?” “What if this ends badly?” “What if I end up hating them?” All of those questions are valid. Feeling similar to how you felt right before you got your heart torn out of your body and shattered into pieces will trigger a sense of “fight or flight” from deep within.

So when does this “fear” reach its peak? When does your internal protection mechanism get so loud it is impossible to ignore? Answer: Right when you realize that by losing them, you have something to lose.

As f*cked up as our logic is, right when we realize we have something to lose is exactly the time we want to let it go. We think that this is our last opportunity to get away and escape whole. One more date, one more sleepover, one more joke shared between the two of you and you risk being legitimately hurt if things don't work out. And you just can't handle the idea of that.
Enter the "being scared" excuse. Whether you are adult about it and have a “breakup” conversation face-to-face, or whether you sabotage your relationship by hurting the other person so they dump you, once you commit to this exit strategy, you’re committed for good.

But what about the other person? Do you stop to consider their feelings? Do you ever think that they might be just as susceptible to falling into the “scared excuse” trap, too? If they felt scared, they might have already trudged through that feeling because they liked you just that much.

When you’re about to pull the trigger on an exit strategy and sabotage your relationship, remember how great the person is that you’ve gotten to know over the past weeks, months, or however long it's been. Remember they're probably worried about the exact same outcomes that you’re worried about.

Try and remind yourself of why you’ve continued to see them for a period of time. Odds are that there are a lot of good things there and it could very well be worth the risk of getting hurt again.

If you’re going to dump someone with no solid foundation other than the fact that you don't want to get hurt, you shouldn’t have tried to date at all.

Cheers!

Why Travel Is SO Important To Your Spiritual Growth

Who else could use some time away from it all?

Spiritual growth is a journey that comes in a variety of forms and is usually different for everyone. But in each case, it involves leaving behind what is familiar and comfortable, as well as visiting places, either physically or psychologically, you haven't yet explored.

For many people, experiencing new cultures or globetrotting to another country is the perfect spark to trigger spiritual growth.

Travel can heighten curiosity about different spiritual practices. Sometimes, a long road trip or a secluded retreat away from home is the missing key that finally unlocks the new spiritual quest we've been hoping for.

Stacy says travel allows her to focus on the joy in life.

“Travel is my chance to be free and explore what I am capable of and practice what I love, without the day to day responsibilities of my usual life. I often have more opportunity for self-care when I travel.  Practicing self-love helps me to expand that love outwards to the world.”

Apart from just reaching a destination, the process of travel itself carries an inherent ability to change people and their level of joy.

Spirituality is about looking for meaning in life. It's being able to experience connectedness with something bigger than ourselves. Both of these pursuits require us to get out of our comfort zones and become aware of more than just our typical daily routines.

Here are two ways travel is a means to help us achieve spiritual growth.

1. Travel broadens our perspectives.

When we travel, we interact with new and different kinds of people than what we are normally used to. This one factor will ignite change in us simply because we start to see the world from the perspectives of others. We view different ways of doing things.

As we incorporate what we learn into what we already know. Our minds become more expansive in the understanding of others. When we begin to understand and empathize with those who are not like us, we become more compassionate and loving.

And, through increased understanding and compassion, we better recognize our interconnectedness with all that is around us. This realization can offer a greater sense of meaning, and purpose for our lives.

Travel is deeply healing. Acupuncturist Romillah says,

“I’ve been in private practice as a healer and consultant for 25 years. It takes at least 6 months of weekly sessions to realize the growth and transformation I see in an 8-day retreat! Spiritual retreats are a crucible where people who are really ready to grow, transform, change their lives, their health, and the world, can leverage the intensity of the retreat to realize their potential and their goals in record time.”

2. Travel helps us learn to value experience over things.

One foundational idea that is present in many spiritual traditions is that we must not become too attached to things, especially material possessions. We are told to live in the moment, and just touch each moment lightly, as one passes to the next.

Travel helps foster this teaching because as we are on the move, going from one place to the next, nothing is permanent. Travel offers to teach us to “live lightly” and relish experiences and relationships more than material things.

Romillah says,“Retreats are about awakening your power to create massive change, not only in your life but across the planet. You can become so grounded that nothing will shake you. You can free yourself of negative beliefs — that you're not good enough and therefore feel afraid to put yourself out there — so you return home to confidently create the exact life you want."

There is certainly value in building a home, community, and traditions.

These things root us and provide a foundation to build on. However, travel away from the comfort of what we know is a valuable spiritual practice to help shake things up and create spaces within that are open to mold and shape.

So, bon voyage, and may your travels transform you.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers!

The Main Reason He Wants To "Take A Break" From You

By Anonymous

It's not him that needs a break; it's you.

When a guy gears up and starts giving you his "I want to take a break" speech, it's time to reconsider. It's not him who needs a break, it's you.

You spent a lot of time with this guy and now he's giving you the speech? Is that what you really want?

Speeches are for guys who are about to lie. They lie to themselves, and then lie to you. They always start with something dramatic.

They throw out reasons like "I just don't know where I'm going with my life" or "I've got a lot of pressure."

Sounds good if you were a therapist.
Before you sign up for an extended leave of absence, consider this: Guys that don't know what they want rarely figure it out over time.

What gets him to figure it out? Simple. It's the pain of losing you. And I suggest you start that process right away.

Say this: "You have every right to want to take a break and not see me. However, I don't feel comfortable. What do you think about ending the relationship right now?"
He'll stumble out something like "Ok, if that's what you want." And there you have your answer. If a man is not willing to fight for you, he doesn't need a break. He's broken.

Broken people never know what they want. They portray themselves as confused victims. If you stick around for this, you're only hurting yourself.

When a guy says he wants a break, thank him for the experience. Let him know how much you've enjoyed your time together and you understand.

Remember that when a guy says he needs a break, that means he's broken. It has nothing to do with you and it's not your job to fix him. You can love him, just not more than yourself.

Thank him for the lesson. Thank God he didn't waste any more of your time and move on, a better relationship awaits you.

Thanks for reading.
Cheers!

Smoking Weed Daily May Eventually Lead To Vision Problems

By Anonymous

Uh oh. Bad news for pot heads.

Smoke weed everyday? Then be prepared to get glasses, because you may end up suffering from an unfortunate marijuana side effect.

New research has suggested that bloodshot eyes are just the start of your problems if you’re using cannabis on a daily basis.

The 52-person study, which was published in Opthalmology recently, detailed a connection between regular pot usage and slower information transmitting from the eye to the brain.
“We showed an association between regular cannabis use and a delay in the visual processing,” said Vincent Laprévote, a doctor and researcher from the study. “Our hypothesis is that regular cannabis use could slow down the transmission between retinal neural cells.”

According to the researchers on the team, there was a noted delay between neural signals from the retina back to the pot smoker’s brain. In other words, everything isn’t firing as quickly as it should be when you are a consistent marijuana smoker, which could ultimately result in a change in vision.

Laprévote also noted that this may be a long-term marijuana side effect. The 52 people participating in the study were asked to stop smoking before the tests were conducted, and the effects still managed to linger. They aren’t certain yet if this means there could also be “behavioral consequences” or how long the potential “long-term effects” may be for.

Pot is notorious for giving people a “red eye” effect after they’ve smoked it, which is probably one of the most notable marijuana side effects. However, this isn’t the first time that weed and eyesight have been correlated.

Marijuana has been long prescribed to people suffering from the awful pain of glaucoma, and in fact has the benefit of helping reduce swelling and alleviating pressure in glaucoma patient’s eyes, which can lead to vision loss and damage to the optic nerve.

Thanks for reading.

Compliment of the season.

7 Most Unexpectedly Romantic Things You Can Do For Your Man This Celebration Season

By Anonymous

Sweep him off his feet this season.

You might not realize it based on their reaction to most romantic comedies, but men DO appreciate romance.

The thing is — when you’re a guy, normally, the expectation is that you’re going to be on the giving end of the romance and not the receiving end.

Maybe it’s just another social stereotype, but there are whole industries built around simple ways that men can show women that they’re trying to be romantic — flowers, Whitman samplers, the entire jewelry industry — and yet the same can’t be said when it comes to men.

What do women get men when they want to be romantic? Sex? Lingerie?

While men 100% appreciate those gestures (boy, do they ever), it stands to reason that there probably should be a few non-sexual ways to let a man know that you think he’s the dreamiest.

The good news is — those ways DO exist and they don’t take much effort.

So what does romance mean to a man? Well, if you want to warm your man’s heart, here are 7 sweet, unexpected ways that you can romance your special guy and make him feel loved as hell.

1. Pick where to go to dinner.
The whole “where do you want to go / I don’t know where to do you want to go” dynamic has become such a relationship cliché, but it can be a real source of frustration with couples. That pervasive sense of “Why can’t you just say what you want and not turn this into a debate?”

If you really want to show your man that you love him, give him a stress-free evening by stepping up and making the call about your dinner plans ASAP. No debate. Just “Yep, we’re going HERE.” He’ll love it. (Particularly if you pick a place he doesn’t hate.)

2. Run him a bath
Most guys aren’t used to being "pampered". They shower quickly, throw on some Axe Body Spray, and that’s the end of their morning routine. So, if you want to give your man some extra romantic attention, why not set him up his own little morning spa?

Get a bath ready for him, complete with candles and your favorite bath bombs. Or if they’re not into sitting in a tub, get a foot bath ready for him, followed by a foot rub. The idea is — slow down their hygiene routine and give their bodies some TLC. (Added benefit: If things turn amorous afterward, you know for a fact that they’re clean and smell OK.)

3. Go see the movie he wants to see.
Go see that big dumb summer blockbuster without any complaints. You don’t have to fake overwhelming enthusiasm, but just be positive about going and keep the eyerolls to a minimum.

He doesn’t want you to pretend that you like it. He knows it’s not high art. He just wants to share a fun experience with you. Even mocking a bad movie together can be really entertaining — just don’t go in with a pervasive sense of “I don’t want to be here.”

4. Tell him he looks great.
Men don’t have a lot of experience when it comes to being complimented for their looks. Granted, that happens to some men because they pay almost no attention to their physical appearance, but, on a whole, we don’t often tell men that they look pretty today.

With that in mind, if you want to sweep a man off his feet or romance him a bit, tell him “Damn, you look good today.” Wait for the appropriate time to say it, of course. Maybe hold it back until he’s wearing a new shirt or just following a haircut (not when he’s lounging in his old sweats), but you’ll be surprised by the impact a simple compliment will have on your man. He’ll love it.

5. Bring him flowers.
Sure, it’s a big ol’ cliché, but it’s a big ol’ cliché for women. Men don’t normally receive flowers unless they’re in the hospital for something really, really serious. So why not subvert his expectations a little and bring him flowers one day for no particular reason?

If your man isn’t the flowery kind, you can always bring him just a potted plant or a Japanese peace lily — the kind of flower isn’t as important as the fact that you decided to try to woo him with some old-school romance techniques. He’ll appreciate the gift and feel pretty special too.


6. Organize a night out with his friends
The best romantic gestures are unselfish gestures — the kind that bring the desires of the other person to the forefront. One way to pull this off with your guy is to put together a fun night out… and NOT invite yourself. Call up some of his best pals and plan an excursion. It can be something simple (bowling or a movie) or something more involved (a fishing trip or some other vacation).

It might not seem particularly lovey-dovey if you won’t be with your man, but the fact that you went so out-of-your-way out of your concern for his happiness… that’s romantic.

7. Stay in.
Cancel plans. Tell your friends you’ll see them another time.

Don’t get out of bed. Order food in.

Make the conscious choice that you’re going to stay at your man’s side all day and that you want him to do the same thing, preferably near the bedroom.

Even if sex isn’t on the table, just this simple act will remind your guy that he’s a BIG priority in your life and, sometimes, all you need to be happy is to spend a day doing nothing with him.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance.

Cheers!

Why is Christmas Day on the 25th December?

Christmas is celebrated to remember the birth of of Jesus Christ, who Christians believe is the Son of God.

The name 'Christmas' comes from the Mass of Christ (or Jesus). A Mass service (which is sometimes called Communion or Eucharist) is where Christians remember that Jesus died for us and then came back to life. The 'Christ-Mass' service was the only one that was allowed to take place after sunset (and before sunrise the next day), so people had it at Midnight! So we get the name Christ-Mass, shortened to Christmas.

Christmas is now celebrated by people around the world, whether they are Christians or not. It's a time when family and friends come together and remember the good things they have. People, and especially children, also like Christmas as it's a time when you give and receive presents!

The Date of Christmas

No one knows the real birthday of Jesus! No date is given in the Bible, so why do we celebrate it on the 25th December? The early Christians certainly had many arguments as to when it should be celebrated! Also, the birth of Jesus probably didn't happen in the year 1 but slightly earlier, somewhere between 2 BCE/BC and 7 BCE/BC (there isn't a 0 - the years go from 1 BC/BCE to 1!).

The first recorded date of Christmas being celebrated on December 25th was in 336, during the time of the Roman Emperor Constantine (he was the first Christian Roman Emperor). A few years later, Pope Julius 1 officially declared that the birth of Jesus would be celebrated on the 25th December.

There are many different traditions and theories as to why Christmas is celebrated on December 25th. A very early Christian tradition said that the day when Mary was told that she would have a very special baby, Jesus (called the Annunciation) was on March 25th - and it's still celebrated today on the 25th March. Nine months after the 25th March is the 25th December! March 25th was also the day some early Christians thought the world had been made, and also the day that Jesus died on when he was an adult.

December 25th might have also been chosen because the Winter Solstice and the ancient pagan Roman midwinter festivals called 'Saturnalia' and 'Dies Natalis Solis Invicti' took place in December around this date - so it was a time when people already celebrated things.

The Winter Solstice is the day where there is the shortest time between the sun rising and the sun setting. It happens on December 21st or 22nd. To pagans this meant that the winter was over and spring was coming and they had a festival to celebrate it and worshipped the sun for winning over the darkness of winter. In Scandinavia, and some other parts of northern Europe, the Winter Solstice is known as Yule and is where we get Yule Logs from. In Eastern Europe the mid-winter festival is called Koleda.

The Roman Festival of Saturnalia took place between December 17th and 23rd and honoured the Roman god Saturn. Dies Natalis Solis Invicti means 'birthday of the unconquered sun' and was held on December 25th (when the Romans thought the Winter Solstice took place) and was the 'birthday' of the Pagan Sun god Mithra. In the pagan religion of Mithraism, the holy day was Sunday and is where get that word from!

Early Christians might have given this festival a new meaning - to celebrate the birth of the Son of God 'the unconquered Son'! (In the Bible a prophesy about the Jewish savior, who Christians believe is Jesus, is called 'Sun of Righteousness'.)

The Jewish festival of Lights, Hanukkah starts on the 25th of Kislev (the month in the Jewish calendar that occurs at about the same time as December). Hanukkah celebrates when the Jewish people were able to re-dedicate and worship in their Temple, in Jerusalem, again following many years of not being allowed to practice their religion.

Jesus was a Jew, so this could be another reason that helped the early Church choose December the 25th for the date of Christmas!

Christmas had also been celebrated by the early Church on January 6th, when they also celebrated the Epiphany(which means the revelation that Jesus was God's son) and the Baptism of Jesus. Now Epiphany mainly celebrates the visit of the Wise Men to the baby Jesus, but back then it celebrated both things! Jesus's Baptism was originally seen as more important than his birth, as this was when he started his ministry. But soon people wanted a separate day to celebrate his birth.

Most of the world uses the 'Gregorian Calendar' implemented by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582. Before that the 'Roman' or Julian Calendar was used (named after Julius Caesar). The Gregorian calendar is more accurate that the Roman calendar which had too many days in a year! When the switch was made 10 days were lost, so that the day that followed the 4th October 1582 was 15th October 1582. In the UK the change of calendars was made in 1752. The day after 2nd September 1752 was 14th September 1752.

Many Orthodox and Coptic Churches still use the Julian Calendar and so celebrate Christmas on the 7th January (which is when December 25th would have been on the Julian calendar). And the Armenian Apostolic Church celebrates it on the 6th January! In some part of the UK, January 6th is still called 'Old Christmas' as this would have been the day that Christmas would have celebrated on, if the calendar hadn't been changed. Some people didn't want to use the new calendar as they thought it 'cheated' them out of 11 days!

Christians believe that Jesus is the light of the world, so the early Christians thought that this was the right time to celebrate the birth of Jesus. They also took over some of the customs from the Winter Solstice and gave them Christian meanings, like Holly, Mistletoe and even Christmas Carols!

St Augustine was the person who really started Christmas in the UK by introducing Christianity in the 6th century. He came from countries that used the Roman Calendar, so western countries celebrate Christmas on the 25th December. Then people from Britain and Western Europe took Christmas on the 25th December all over the world!

Merry Christmas readers!

The Real Reason Couples Are Not Getting Married

By Posa

Why weddings and marriage aren't happening for many couples these days.

Too cash-strapped to get married? You're certainly not alone. According to a profic researcher, the population of never-marrieds exceeded the number of married folk for the first time in a century.

Translation: Fewer of us are getting hitched these days. In fact, the percentage of men and women who were married fell from
80 percent in 2015, to 42 percent in 2016. And if you've been feeling lately like you're the only attached girl without a ring on your finger, here's some comforting news (depending on how you look at it): The percentage of ladies who were hitched fell to 49.9 percent. It was discovered that despite the fact that fewer couples are making it official, they're still shacking up in the meantime.

Sure, it's true that times they are a changing and with them marriage trends, but these days, many couples aren't necessarily choosing to forgo the wedding and marriage vows because they consider the whole convention obsolete or unnecessary—they just don't have the funds to get hitched.

According to the experts, the recession has accelerated the steady decline in marriages we've seen over the past few decades, with many couples postponing marriage until they are in a better spot financially.

"People are unsure about their job security, and a lot of people lost their jobs," said Mark Mather. According to her, "Getting married is obviously a big step and if you're not comfortable about your future, it makes sense that you'd postpone a big decision like this."

Let's be serious, engagement rings and weddings don't come cheap. Plus, many consider marriage the first step in a series of serious financial responsibilities—kids, mortgages, life insurance—the list goes on. Some couples want to wait until they save enough money to handle these next few steps, which is why Andrew Cherlin, PhD, a sociologist at Johns Hopkins University, believes that more and more couples are living together but waiting until they are more financially secure to actually tie the knot.

Considering that things don't seem to be getting much better on the financial front and there's been whispers of a second recession, this may not be the most promising news for those of you hoping to walk down the aisle soon. But hey, once this economy actually turns around, at least more couples will have the whole "for richer or for poorer" part down.

Compliment of the season.

Cheers.

You Can't Change Someone Who Doesn't See An Issue With His Actions

By Anonymous
To make real change, you've got to know that you need it.

I know you think it's your fault. I know you think you can change him. If you look good enough, keep the house clean enough, cook the way his mama did, love him enough. Maybe if you could get the kids to be a little quieter. Maybe if you managed a date night more than once every three or four months. Maybe if you lost the last fifteen pounds of baby weight.

The truth is, you can maybe yourself to death and you'll still be left with the same old thing. You'll be left with the same old excuses and lies, the same old sneaky gaslighting that makes you feel like you're losing your mind.

It's not that I believe people don't change. I'm a champion of change! Like our president, I think everyone is capable of the kind of change that's necessary to make life worth living, but it doesn't come easy. To make real change, you've got to know you need it. And guess who it is that never knows they need it? The people who need it the most.

That's why whatever you say, whatever you do, it won't ever be enough to get him to commit to any kind of lasting change. Deep down, what's his incentive? He might say the right words for a little while. He might even do the right things for a time.

But eventually, he'll creep back into the same patterns and routines because that's where he's comfortable and in his heart, he sees no reason to be a different, better man.

Nagging doesn't work; he can tune it out. Threats mean nothing because he knows they're empty. Sulking is easily ignored. The silent treatment is an unexpected bonus. Withholding affection, even sex, often backfires. You're the one who ends up unfulfilled, feeling paralyzed by your own inaction.

Don't you know you deserve better? Let me tell you, then, just in case: you deserve better. You do! You're wasting your time, your energy, and your love. You're throwing away the most valuable years of your life on a man who makes you miserable. Why? Is it so you won't be alone? Because let's be real, loneliness isn't confined to being alone. Is it because you love him?

Contrary to popular cliché, love isn't always enough. Is it because of the house, the kids, the things that people might say? You can make a home anywhere. The kids will be just fine. And the only words that matter are the ones that support you. Everything else is just talk.

You're not going to change a man who sees nothing wrong with his actions, with his speech, with the person he is. You know what you can change? Your response to him.

No more apologizing. No more walking on eggshells. No more begging for forgiveness, or attention, or the littlest bit of love to keep you going. Stop accepting the scraps he tosses your way occasionally when you should be sitting down to a five-star, four-course dinner.

Know your worth, then demand exactly that, and nothing less.

Cheers.

SNEAKY Tactics Narcissists Use To Escape Responsibility

By Anonymous

So that they won't be held accountable.

Ask a narcissist if they are dependable and they will say, “I’m the most responsible person you know, you can always count on me.” And they can be. But when the rubber meets the road (an old saying about being put to the test), narcissists seem to wiggle out of accountability. Why?

Narcissists will gladly be responsible for the things they deem worthy, especially when it provides an opportunity to be the center of attention. However, when others place responsibility on the narcissist, the narcissist sees this as an attempt to control them.

This violates one of their personal mantras: no one will have power over them. So they escape from all liability. How? By using these 7 narcissistic tactics.

1. Intimidation/blame
The narcissist begins by bullying the person endeavoring to hold them accountable. Frequently, they resort to name-calling and belittling to assert dominance over the other person. Once a subordinate position has been established, they blame the person for attempting to make the narcissist look less than superior.

2. Accusing/projection
To circumvent any accountability, the narcissist preempts the attack by accusing another person. Usually, they pick an overly responsible, co-dependent person who idolizes the narcissist. Then the narcissist projects the things they are answerable for onto the other person. Thus escaping before the attack.

3. Arguing/exhausting
This is the simplest tactic with great immediate results. When confronted, the narcissist picks one small detail and argues it to the umpteenth degree. If the other person argues back, they pick another tiny point and persistently wear down their opponent. Exhausted, frustrated, and annoyed, the other person gives up holding the narcissist liable.

4. Denying/rewriting
One way of avoiding responsibility is for the narcissist to deny they have any. Even if the item is written down, the narcissist will make excuses and rewrite history. Frequently, they take the victim role by saying they were forced into being held accountable when in actuality they willingly did so. This tactic often leaves the other person questioning themselves and their memory.

5. Diversion/attacking
This method begins with an outburst over something very insignificant. Then, the narcissist exaggerates the point to incite the other person and draw their attention away from what really is happening. Whenever the narcissist is fueling a small fire, it is to keep the focus off the inferno somewhere else. The diversion is done to drain resources, energy, and time so the narcissist can attack when the other person is vulnerable.

6. Fear/avoidance
Narcissists have the ability to take a person’s small fear and turn it into paranoia. Their charisma is put to destructive uses as they weave a believable story with an intense dreadful outcome. Once the other person is frightened, the narcissist uses the other person’s terror as justification for avoiding responsibility. They often cite that the other person is reactionary and therefore any requests from the other person should be discounted.

7. Rescuing/retreating
This tactic is the most manipulative of the bunch. First, the narcissist rescues the other person from a dreadful situation. Having gained the other person’s loyalty, the narcissist waits. Eventually, the other person confronts the narcissist about a lack of responsibility and then the narcissist retreats.

The withholding of love/attention/time is so dramatic that the other person becomes horrified and assumes responsibility so that the narcissist will return. Once secured, the narcissist then accuses the other person of not appreciating the rescue. The other person feels bad and succumbs to the wishes of the narcissist even further.

While this article was written with narcissists in mind, several other personality disorders use a couple of these tactics as well. Anti-social (sociopaths and psychopaths), histrionic, borderline, obsessive-compulsive, paranoid and passive-aggressive personality disorders all utilize portions of these methods as well.

Good Morning readers!

Breaking: Buhari declares a 3-day Yuletide holiday for Nigerians

The federal government has declared December 26 and 27, 2016 as public holidays to mark the Christmas celebration.

A report by Daily Trust reveals that the government also declared Monday, January 2, 2017, as public holidays to mark the New Year celebration.

The announcement came from the minister of Interior, Abdulrahman Bello Dambazau, on behalf of the government.

In a statement signed by the acting permanent secretary of the ministry, Alhaji Muhammadu Maccido on Wednesday, December 21, the minister urged all Christian faithful and Nigerians in general to continue to support the administration of President Muhammadu Buhari in his sustained efforts towards building a peaceful, united and prosperous nation.

The minister also pleaded with Nigerians to use the occasion to pray for the unity and peaceful co-existence of citizens across the country.

Compliment of the season.

6 Tips For Helping Those Suffering Holiday Depression

By Anonymous

Coping with the holidays when you don't feel joyful is difficult. Here's how you can help.

To quote a popular song of the season: "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" While this sentiment may be true for many of us, it is not necessarily the shared sentiment of everyone.

As the end of the year mark's a time for celebrations, holidays, and traditions which bring together families and spark feelings of joy, there are those whose memories and sentiments of this time of the year are quite different than customarily expected.

There are those who suffer from mental illness or whose memories of the holiday season are not of pleasant times. It's unfortunate that many of us forget that not everyone perceives this time of the year in the same way that we do.

I'm not writing this to chastise anyone or to bring down the mood of the season. What I am saying is that we need to be mindful of those around us who may be suffering while we celebrate.

Many of us feel the burden of unreasonable expectations for perfection this time of the year. While we still have our day to day tasks to perform, we must also decorate, purchase gifts, and attend social functions.

These expectations can cause stress and anxiety, even in those who enjoy this time of the year.Imagine the stress and anxiety felt by those who are simply trying to cope with life let alone the added expectation of the season.

What can we do to help those with holiday depression? Here are 6 ways:

1. Be aware.

Create an awareness within yourself that not everyone feels joyous this time of the year. This awareness is not meant to place a burden on ourselves, rather as a recognition of the reality of others.

2. Allow openness.

Create an environment where people feel open to honestly share their feelings.

At parties or gatherings, encourage everyone to participate, while being respectful of those who are having a difficult time participating. Try to plan activities which would allow for a person to participate to the degree in which they feel comfortable.

3. Be flexible in your expectations of them.

Be mindful that your expectations as to what constitutes a traditional celebration may not be the same expectations of others. Allow yourself the flexibility to be open to the traditions of others and to how others may be feeling.

For example, if you're organizing the family dinner, take into account any family members who have had a difficult year. Allow them the space or time to speak if they wish. Be aware that them showing up may have been a difficult task in and of itself.

4. Be supportive.

If you know of someone who does suffer from a mental illness or is finding this time of the year to be emotionally difficult, be a supportive friend.

Allow yourself to be present to them even if words aren't spoken. Encourage them to join you at small gatherings and surround them with people who have their best interests at heart.

5. Tell them: It's OK to be selfish.

Be supportive of those whom you know are suffering this time of the year by encouraging them to be selfish.

This is selfish in the sense that they need to do things to take care of themselves, regardless of the expectations placed upon them. It doesn't make you a bad person to prioritize yourself, it is actually essential to your well-being to do so.

6. Be a good listener.

Take time from the busyness of this season to be an effective listener to those who are in need of sharing their feelings. Encouraging and allowing those who are suffering to share how they feel can be the most helpful thing you can do for them.

Silence is not good for someone who is suffering emotionally this time of the year, even if they feel it is better for them not to speak. Lovingly encourage them to share by letting them know that you will listen without judgment regardless of what they share.

During this holiday season, as we join together with our families and friends, let us be grateful and joyous in our traditions and fellowship.

But let us not forget those who are emotionally suffering at this time of the year. Being respectful, understanding, and lovingly present is the best holiday gift a person can receive.

Cheers!

3 Reasons Why Men Cheat That Have NOTHING To Do With Sex

By Anonymous

Do men cheat for no reason?

Contrary to popular belief, men don't want to cheat. It's often the last resort and oddly enough, it's also often the last resort to stay in a relationship.

Now, this next statement will sound strange. Men cheat because they love you. Otherwise, they would just leave you. You will hear a man say, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

Here are 3 possible reasons why men cheat that even he's not aware of:

1. You criticize him constantly.

Men are keenly aware of whether or not you respect them. You may have respected him in the beginning but over time you've lost respect for him.

It shows in your criticism of his thinking or his plans. Maybe you question why he's doing something or not doing something. The symptoms are all there but you didn't notice because you just want him to be better.

2. He wants more, better, or different.

In all fairness, the second one has nothing to do with you. Men (and the rest of us) are susceptible to wanting more, better, and different. We are not monogamous by nature. It's a choice we make when we want to build something with someone.

The question I would ask you is... what are you building? What purpose do you have together in your relationship?

Every relationship has to have a purpose. Otherwise, people in it are prone to drifting off, losing focus, and becoming distracted by others. The antidote to more, better, and different is knowing your purpose and doing it together.

3. He craves admiration.

This is something men often don't know that they need. The reason a man cheats, that has zero to do with sex, is that he craves admiration. He craves someone who looks up to him, who admires his thinking, his sense of humor, his character, his production in the world.

You might have done all these things at the beginning. All these things that have nothing to do with sex.

Men know intuitively that a woman can only fall in love and stay in love with a man when she's looking up. When she starts looking down, the relationship is in trouble. This is why adoration is so vital to a relationship, and it has zero to do with sex.

To be honest, men don't thrive on sex. They thrive on respect, purpose, and admiration. In their hearts, men don't want to cheat. They will stay in relationships well beyond their expiration date. They hold out hope even when there seems to be little.

You may say I'm overly optimistic about men and maybe it's because I am one. However, I will say to you that cheating is painful for a man as well as a woman. That cheating has almost zero to do with sex and everything to do with respect, purpose, and admiration.

Thank you for reading.

Cheers.

Living With An Unemployed Spouse

The economy is supposedly in recovery, but layoffs are still prominent in virtually every industry. Many more people than usual can relate to a phenomenon usually restricted to the over-60 set: living with an unemployed spouse.

While being laid off and entering into retirement are far from the same, they both often leave one half of a couple with extra time on their hands, and plenty of pent up energy that their significant other, coming home after a long day at work, can't handle.
Here are 7 tips of living with an unemployed spouse:

1. Be nice to each other and have a positive attitude.
As hard as it may be, try to not be discouraged during the job search, and make sure to support your spouse. If one of you says something negative, the other should try to come back with a positive. And don't forget, compliments can go a long way.

2. Encourage your partner to take up a hobby, get a side job or join a club (as well as continue to look for jobs).
Typically, people work an average of 40 hours a week, eight to nine hours a day. So is it any wonder that someone suddenly unemployed might go crazy with all that free time?

In order to squash the boredom before it begins, encourage your partner to stay as busy as possible. Stay healthy and join a sports team, or learn how to cook (this benefits your spouse as well).
Another option is taking up a side job waitressing or working as a sales associate. This will allow your sweetie to interact with other people as well as earn some money. But, of course, new hobbies shouldn't take up the time needed to continue the job hunt.

3. Encourage them to continue their existing friendships and to foster new ones.
Those who recently lost their jobs are sometimes embarrassed and therefore shut out family and friends. They might cling to their partners for support. Tell your wife or husband to talk to their families and friends. They know and love them, and can be a good support system (rather than a support group of one: you).

4. Take up an activity together or plan a couple's trip.
Though it might seem impossible, with money tight already, one couple solved their problem by deciding to travel the world together.

"Eight months, 24 hours a day, we'll be hanging out together—we won't have a single bit of free time to be alone," Mr. Hutchins says. "It should be interesting."

For those who are less adventurous, sign up for a class together instead, anything where you get to spend some time together not cooped up at home.

5. Give each other a little space before and after "couple time."
You may be happy to spend time with your significant other, but need a little alone time after working all day. To the recently laid off: let your partner settle down, drink a beer and watch a little television before you bombard them with your idea to go skydiving or white water rafting. You may have an endless amount of pent up energy, but they probably want to take a nap.

6. Don't nitpick.
As couples tend to spend more time together if one or both has lost a job, they are more apt to notice each other's little quirks. Though sometimes endearing, the extended time together might make them seem more annoying than anything. Fight less by resisting the urge to continually whine about their habits (that is, unless their habit is leaving you to do all the chores every night).

7. Trust each other.
When everything is going great, it's easy to be happy and to trust your partner is doing everything they should. It's not nearly as simple when half of your income is gone. Stand by each other as a couple and trust that each of you is doing everything they need to be doing to get another job.

Readers, how are you dealing with unemployment? What other recommendations do you have?

Things Every Type-B Person REALLY Wishes You Understood

By Anonymous

See what lies beyond the appearance and appreciate the substance of a Type-B person.

In our high-speed culture, the type-A personality type is often admired and held up as the prime example of what it takes to achieve and succeed. Yet, for every type-A person in the world, there is at least one type-B person who should also be appreciated.

Speaking myself as someone with type-B personality, here are some key things we would like you to know and understand about us:

1. We're humble.

One of the qualities of a type B-person is humility, so it’s rare that they will promote or brag about themselves. 

2. We tend to be introverted. 

This doesn’t mean we aren’t social. We often enjoy being with people. However, we prefer small groups versus large crowds, and in large groups, we tend to interact with one or a few people rather than "work the room."

We want to feel a deeper connection with others, even in one-time encounters.

3. We nurture relationships.

Because we value deep personal connection, we devote the time to continually grow our relationships, especially with those who mean the most to us. 

We proactively keep in touch and make ourselves available with sincerity, empathy, and caring. We seek to have meaningful conversations, and we easily lose track of time when we’re immersed in one.

4. We seek to understand as fully as possible, logically and emotionally. 

We like to have adequate information to make the best decisions. Plus, we’re in tune with our feelings and intuitions about those decisions.

5. We are open to a variety of viewpoints and opinions, even if we don’t agree with them. 

We are mindful that everyone is unique and multidimensional. Mutual respect is one of our key values, and we are quickly turned off by people who are devoted more to conflict than to conversation.

6. We need solitude to recharge.

It is essential for type-B people to take a rest from the busy, hectic, high-energy world we live in. When we don’t do this, we feel fatigued, moody, and out of sorts.

7. We can’t be motivated by pressure. 

You might rush a type-B person into action, but you won’t get the best work from her this way. Though we can adhere to a schedule and meet deadlines, we do our best work to our own rhythm.

You’ll surely lose the loyalty of a type-B person when you don’t trust the process that works best for her.

8. We engage best when we’re invited in. 

Type-B's usually don’t embed themselves into situations or opportunities. We’re good at communicating the value we can provide, but then we pause and sense into how we’re being received.

In an assertive, enterprising world, this can be viewed as a limitation. You have to "ask for the business" after all. However, the most astute person sees and appreciates substance as much as appearance in others and invites them into his world accordingly.

9. We seek balance. 

We often take a both/and philosophy to life versus either/or. We value knowledge and wisdom, work and rest, sound and silence, firmness and gentleness. In appreciation for the rich complexity of life, we rarely see things as being either black or white.

Sometimes, this makes it difficult for us to give a simple answer to what seems a simple question. However, you can be rest assured that we will give you the most thoughtful answer.

10. Some Type-B actually used to be Type-A. 

These types run more along a spectrum than they are exclusive. Factors such as age, life experience, evolving beliefs, and embarking on inner work influence where anybody falls on the spectrum. This has been certainly true for me.

The value of this is that I integrate the best of my type-A qualities, such as focus and productivity, with my primary type-B qualities, such as mindfulness and introspection, to be a more generative and compassionate human being.

If you don’t consider yourself a type-B person, consider how some of these type-B attributes have shown up for you, even in the smallest ways.

At the very least, you’ll have a new appreciation for type-B people. At best, you’ll be empowered by awareness of your own type-B qualities and how they can help you.

Happy Weekend.

Cheers!