MUST READ: How To Love Your Body Regardless Of Your Imperfections

By Anonymous

Please stop comparing your body to theirs.

In a society obsessed with physical appearance, it can be extremely challenging to find happiness in a body that doesn't reflect the images of "physical perfection" we see in our media and pop culture.

Given that, I would argue that our discontent is caused less by our overweight bodies and more by our behavior and attitudes toward them.

It is in our nature to compare ourselves to others. Our self-esteem plays a huge role in every personal relationship we have — platonic, romantic, or otherwise. Unfortunately, when we play the comparison game, we always lose. Rarely has someone compared themselves to others and actually come out on top.

We look at other people and draw connections between them and us — "Her arms are more slender than mine," "I wish my stomach was as flat as hers." 

Even men fall prey to this constant comparing: "Are my arms and chest as muscular as his?" Such comparisons are harmful to our health, our self-esteem, and sense of worthiness. We allow our body image to be influenced by how we perceive others.

Add to that a second internal battle: the one where we know what needs to be done in order to be thinner (or more fit) but we fail to follow through on making that happen.

In any given moment, choosing not to make the tough choices of discipline or intentionality in our food choices and activity levels perpetuates a whole new wave of self-recrimination and self-loathing.

I am certainly happier with myself when I've been making healthy choices and am taking better care of myself — regardless of how I actually look. And I'm even happier when physical results reflect my hard work and discipline.

During a busy week, when I do not prioritize being healthy, not only do I see and feel it physically, I'm disappointed and disgusted with myself for allowing it to happen. I feel sluggish and lazy and not as good about my choices or myself.

Sometimes, when we do make healthier choices, our bodies and the scale fail to reflect or respond to that hard work. That can be discouraging.

But, instead of focusing on what we cannot control, which is how our body looks or whether the scale goes up or down, focusing on what we can control — our food behavior (choices, portions) and our level of activity — will give us pride and satisfaction.

Knowing we've honestly done all that we can to take the best care of ourselves (because we are worth it) helps us feel happier in our bodies. And that's a way better use of time and energy than losing over and over in the comparison game.

Cheers!

MUST READ: 3 Ways To Deal With Your BIG Emotions When Someone Pisses You Off

By Anonymous

Here is a 3-step way to define your values and see if your anger is warranted.

What’s the last thing that really ticked you off? I’m talking about the kind of upset that triggered you and had you ruminating on the situation for days.

Distressing situations offer clues about who you are and what you value.

Your values are your personal set of operating life principles that hold keys to your happiness, satisfaction, and life purpose. They influence your reactions, feelings, and your behavior. They also are the pair of glasses that you put on every day to view the world.

Living in alignment with your core values, helps you to feel energized, confident, and optimistic.

If you're feeling pissed off and don't know how to deal with anger, here is a 3-step way to define your values and see if your anger is warranted:

1. On a sheet of paper make 2 columns. Title them "pet peeves" and "values".
2. In column 1, write down your top 3 pet peeves. What makes you feel angry or annoyed? What circumstances do you find yourself in that automatically make you prickle? Here is my personal example: procrastination, people who do not keep their word, and people who are late.
3. In column 2, write down the opposite of these pet peeves. My example: action, integrity accountability, responsibility, and timeliness because being late means that you think your time is more important than that of the person who you kept waiting.

The next time you feel pissed off, refer to your list to see which of your values has been violated. When you do a quick check in, you will be able to re-center by acknowledging your feelings.

When you realize that what you value may be different than the offender's, you will be able to let them and yourself off the hook without giving away any more of your precious time to people who aren't on your same wavelength.  

Knowing what you value will help you to determine how you spend your time and resources while keeping yourself out of long-term situations that create internal havoc.

Cheers!

MUST READ: 5 Things You Need To Know About Dating A Baby Daddy

By Anonymous

There are 5 things you need to know about dating a baby daddy. These 5 items only just scratch the surface, but I think they're the most important for any woman dating a man with kids to know. 

1. You will never be number one. 

And you shouldn't want to be! 

From the moment a child is born until they are 18 (and let's be real, usually a heck of a lot longer) that kid is going to be living with his dad at least part of the time. 

Even if he isn't a helicopter dad, his child is going to come first, and he should! If you're spending the night and his 5-year-old is crying, he is going to trust that you can entertain yourself while he deals with the crying child. 

Frankly, a dad's ability to put his kids first overall without making you feel neglected is a great indicator into just what sort of man and father they really are. 

2. He's got baggage. 

But hey, so do you! 

When a man has a kid (or more than one kid) he's got a life and story and not all of it is going to be great, good, or easy. 

This emotional baggage might make him slower to commit, or even overly eager to commit. 

A man with a child has been through a chunk of this wacky ride we call life. Right or wrong, these dudes have a sense of what they want. 

This isn't for everyone, especially not women who are still figuring out what they want in a romantic partner. 

3. If you're the jealous type, beware. 

What do baby daddies always have? Baby mamas. 

Your dude might have a great relationship with the mother of his kid, maybe they are the best of friends! Maybe they hate each other, but you're convinced it's just a cover for their deeper romantic feelings.

The fact of the matter is when your man has a close bond with another woman who happens to be the mother of his child, she isn't going anywhere. 

If you're a jealous person, this might not be for you. Then again, it might be the perfect opportunity to try and vanquish your jealous streak once and for all. 

4. Prepare to be flexible. 

And I'm not just talking in the sack. 

When you're dating a guy with a kid, you've got more to juggle than his schedule and yours — you've got his child's schedule, too. 

Be open, honest, and flexible about your time if you want to get to know him better. 

Trust that he isn't playing games with you when he cancels at the last minute; he has bigger things to deal with than messing with your head. 

Are all dads with kids upstanding gentleman worthy of your time? No, but I think it's important to remember not to write them off for something that's beyond their control, like a kid coming down with a 24 hour tummy and/or butt bug. 

5. His kid existing doesn't mean he wants to have one with you. 

For serious. 

I have friends in their 30s who start dating men with kids because they think this is a guarantee that he will have kids with them.

This is kind of nuts to me.

Just because a person has procreated once with someone else, why on Earth would that mean that they would automatically do so with you?

A man's status as a father doesn't mean he wants to have more kids. In fact, for some men, it might actually mean that since they are already a dad, they are done with the whole sperm-in-egg thing. 

If you want to know if he plans on having more kids — ask, don't assume. 

Cheers!

MUST READ: THE AFFAIR YOU DON'T REALIZE YOU'RE HAVING (AND HOW TO END IT)

By Anonymous

Pay close attention.

Men and women interact all the time despite the reality that a sexual attraction could spark between them. Well-dressed women sit at the boardroom table with dapper men, stylish female sales representatives drop in on male doctors during lunch breaks and well-built male physical trainers gently place their female clients' body parts in the proper positions on the elliptical machine. Moreover, men and women interact in work cubicles, university lab benches, art, acting and yoga studios throughout the world.

Can people who are potentially sexually attracted to each other form friendships and still be true to their marriage? I believe they can. It is possible to be open to spending time with, work, study or create side-by-side with someone of the opposite sex (if heterosexual) or of the same sex (if gay or lesbian).

But as the friendship evolves, it's the responsibility of the married individual to pay attention to the nature of the relationship. Feeling comfortable around someone is a blessing. But when friendship crosses the line and you or they are starting to feel very close emotionally, it may be a big warning sign. 

When you're with someone who could tempt you to compromise your commitment to your spouse, ask yourself one question: Is this new person a friend of my marriage? If he or she is a great buddy of yours but doesn't care to know about, or interact with, your spouse, then that could spell trouble for your marriage.

If you're not sure about what kind of friend this is, it may take some soul searching on your part. There are instances when friendship crosses the line and it's not clear whether someone has crossed a boundary and become a threat to the marriage. In those cases, you must seek the opinion of the one person who matters most: your spouse.

If your friend is someone of the opposite sex (or of the same sex if you are so attracted), here are some guidelines to help figure out whether that person should be considered a true friend or someone who will put your marriage at risk:

1. Your partner must feel comfortable around this person.

He or she doesn't have to necessarily have to feel spiritually bonded to your friend, but there should be a sense of comfort about your spending time with him or her. 

2. Keep family bonds.

Your new friend must be willing to form a connection with your spouse and your family. Not just as a way to spend more time with you, but out of genuine interest in being a part of your complete life.

3. Hide no secrets.

You should neither give nor receive any secret communications. Any and all contact with your friend should be in full knowledge of your partner. If you find yourself meeting with your friend by accident somewhere, you should immediately zip a text back home telling your partner that you ran into each other.

4. Speak no evil.

Under no circumstances should your friendship include discussions about your mate’s faults in anything but the most general terms. Explaining a husband's mismatched shirt and tie as, "Bayo doesn’t have a good eye for color" is acceptable; commenting that the lawn isn't mowed because "Bayo is too lazy to get around to it," is not.

5. Hear no evil.

Likewise, your friend should not use your relationship to talk about faults in his or her partner.

6. No special understandings.

Never be in a position to say to your friend, "I'm telling you this because my partner wouldn't understand," or otherwise hinting that your friend appreciates you in ways that your spouse does not.

7. No pillow talk.

Under no circumstances should you be talking about any sexual issues with your friend. It's fine to discuss the news of your favorite Kardashian's romantic exploits, but any discussion about your personal sexual preferences or experiences is strictly off limits.

Avoid situations that can stir up physical intimacy, such as candlelight dinners, sitting in saunas without spouses around or entering a dance marathon together. You may not feel any romantic inclination toward your friend before doing these things, but the right situation can breed new interest.

8. Minimize rituals.

You should not develop habits of exclusively having alone time with your friend. It's critical that your family periodically be included in get-togethers. Be very cautious about regular rituals that you and your friend have. It's okay to say, "We always watch the Bristol Fourth of July parade together," but not, "Every morning, we go on a power walk together," unless you have your partner's OK.

9. Stay sober.

You should never engage in excessive drinking or any illegal drug use with this friend, as sharing "sins" together develops false intimacy, and substance abuse lowers inhibitions.

10. Pay attention to your emotions.

If you begin to feel a romantic attraction to the other person, or if this person begins to express one to you, you must immediately break off all relationships with that person.

I'm glad we live in a society where men and women can share time, thought and even friendships. But when friendship crosses the line, married men and women must be vigilant for risks of potential infidelity, and do everything in their power to be sure that any individual friend is also a friend of the marriage.

Cheers!

MUST READ: BROTHERS AND SISTERS

By Anonymous

Sometimes your closest friends are family.

Throughout our lives, we form bonds: familial, friendships, partnerships. Some last and some don’t. In the book of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon reminds us that relationships are a source of support, comfort, and strength, for “a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”  Sibling relationships are especially important.  They can be our longest-lasting family tie, our true partners for life, but only if we nurture the relationship.

At first blush, it might seem like there are thousands of things you need to do in order to maintain a tight bond with your siblings. But the truth is we formed our bonds in childhood and only need a few ways to secure these lasting bonds.

1. Stay Connected

It would be a shame to arrive at our destination only to find out that our most important relationships have drifted away. Unless we nurture our relationships with our siblings, our bonds will loosen and we will grow apart. If visiting is not possible, embrace technology. Don’t just rely on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to keep track of your siblings doings. Follow up, send a text letting them know you are thinking of them, or email a funny reminder of something from childhood. Acknowledge each other’s milestones and family events by sending ecards, text, or gifts. Schedule time to chat through Skype. All these little ways that we reach out keep the lines of communication open so that trust and intimacy can take root.

2. Skip Down Memory Lane

We also nurture our relationships by remembering the past. As we travel through life we often don’t get the opportunity to sail back through memory lane. However, there is a wealth of connection and insight stored in our childhood. Pull out the family albums and dig through the attic. If time and resources permit, plan a sibling vacation to a favorite family vacation spot. Allow the sights, sounds and smells to bring back the laughter and the tears. By revisiting the past, we can strengthen the knots that bond us in our childhood.  

3. Cast A Line

Another key way to build intimacy with our siblings is to cast a line out and let ourselves be known and seen for who we are becoming. Reach out to your siblings and let yourself be known. The more we are vulnerable about the changes, trial, and tribulations in our lives, the more we invite our siblings to share their fears and hopes like they did when we were children. Welcome your siblings’ struggles with words of encouragement and offers of help. Your siblings will appreciate your concern. Knowing that our brothers/sisters can hold our fears and hopes without judgement provides us a solid base of support, safety and comfort.  Siblings become the dock that we can tie ourselves to temper the storms of life.

As we sail through life exploring and creating new bonds, let us not forget that our siblings hold the key to our core identity. During the trials and tribulations of growing up and the shared experiences, we developed knots that tethered us to our sisters and brothers in a way that no other relationship can. Now, we can continue to reap the rewards by staying connected,

By practicing these three ways to secure knots with our siblings, we will always have a companion at our side.

Cheers!

MUST READ: HOW COMPETITION IMPROVES YOUR GAME

By Anonymous

Gianni Versace, the insanely successful artist and businessman once said, “It is nice to have valid competition; it pushes you to do better,” and it appears he may have been on to something.

A recent study has found that when we have someone with whom we can compete, it pushes us to perform at higher levels than if we didn’t have that rivalry.

The 13 week study used college students who were assigned a workout regiment. Some students received a workout buddy along with their exercise schedule while others didn’t and the difference was incredibly clear. Those who had the assigned rival showed more exercise output during the study and encouraged others in their social circle to also sign up for similar workout programs.

The finding show that having a fellow competitor to work alongside will up your game but it also raises the question of how to keep rivalry healthy. Still, if competition is your goal, there are easy ways to keep it friendly.

1. Communicate

At its core, a rivalry is a relationship. Like any healthy relationship, clear and considerate communication is the key to keeping both people happy.

Using open communication, you and your competitor can establish shared goals as well as expectations for each other. Once that’s settled, be sure to keep things positive by sharing encouragements and any new needs that may evolve as your friendly rivalry does.

2. Play Nice

There’s an important distinction between a rival and an enemy. If you aren’t careful, you may forget the difference and lose sight of the reason the you two have joined forces in the first place.

View your new rival as an untapped resource instead of someone you need to beat. The goal isn’t to defeat each other but to encourage the growth of your potential.

With that in mind, don’t allow the rivalry to be brought to offensive levels. Remember: another’s success doesn’t diminish your own but a bad attitude certainly will.

3. Celebrate A Win

The whole point of healthy competition is improving your performance. When that happens, celebrate. Whether the improvement is on your side or with your rival’s, it’s important to give it the props it deserves.

Acknowledging growth benefits both sides of a rivalry by encouraging competitors to raise the bar even higher.

Focusing on the joy found in rivalry makes the competition even more fun and the more you enjoy it, the more you will want to compete. At that rate, the work put into improving won’t feel like work at all!

Start a healthy competition with someone who will challenge you to do your best and prepare to be amazed by the results of your friendly rivalry.

Cheers!

MUST READ: 6 Simple Ways To Invite Love Into Your Life (Every Single Day)

By Anonymous

You deserve love. So let it in!

“What matters most to you?" I asked curiously.

The dark haired lady at the checkout counter looked up from her pile of documents and said with a surprised smile, "Love. If we had more of it, we would not create this insanity in our world.”

Wisdom of the sages can be found at the local post office, too.

What does it take to have more love? A good dose of courage.

Opening the heart, so we can really love and be loved, sounds simple  — but it’s challenging, too. We fear the blows and other hurts on the bumpy road of life.

It’d be so easy if only everyone was nice all the time, and those who behave crappy are sent off to a faraway island. Well, that probably would be everyone in the end…

In reaction to difficulties and pain we often armor our tender hearts, and by hiding our human vulnerability we heap more suffering unto the world.

How does it feel when you shut down, build walls of cement, or lock your heart in a tight box (and lose the key, too)?

What a dilemma, though, to the extent you have closed down you are cut off from love, feel disconnected from others, and the natural pulse of life. You have disappeared into space, disassociated from your body and live in the mind, safe from the dangers in the world at last.

Or so it seems...

You may fiercely defend your fortress by using sharp weapons like attack and judgment, or by trying hard to control people —  a common way to keep others at bay and to let fear run the show.

When the heart gets knotted up, it’s like having no air to breathe; you die a silent death, barely surviving you might have plunged into a dark hole and can’t find a way out.

To top it off, a myriad of complications in relationships arise from this closed heart and disconnect, and our own suffering spreads out on the living room floor.

Instead of creating such a sad state of affairs, you can turn toward the hardness, the fear, and those uninvited guests. You can become friends with your own vulnerability and that of our fellow humans.

Yes, you can learn to ride the waves, feel all your feelings and tend with loving awareness to your experience in this moment, without escape.

Courage grows as you take the risk to open and meet the whole enchilada: the twinkle of joy and the tears of pain in this life.

For, when the layers of protection crumble, you discover the beauty of a heart that truly knows love.

You feel alive, you touch, taste and experience life intimately.

Love then is not just a word, but is discovered in the smell of fresh baked bread, you hear it singing through a bird, experience it with your friend’s warm hand on your back, and through speaking a kind word or helping another across the street.

Can we let our hearts become as wide as the world in answer to the horror and beauty we encounter in life, and act on it, to make a difference?

And will you allow yourself to drink deep from the well to fill up and pour forth love like there is no tomorrow? 

When I remember the stark reality, that indeed this could be my final day, I ask: what would I live today?

This question gets right to the core and moves us to take action in the right direction: What matters most to you? What do you want to leave behind before you depart?

These 6 Magic Keys open the door to experience more love every day:

1. Appreciation.

It's a way of seeing, an ability to find goodness right here where we are.

Giving voice to appreciation increases our own well-being and in our relationships.

We can express appreciation for qualities and actions: “You are beautiful” or “I appreciate how much time and effort you put into fixing the car.” Don’t wait to offer appreciation until another performs perfectly, that day will never come.

Appreciate every little bit you notice. Watch what happens if you apply this simple practice every day —  of course for yourself, too! 

2. Presence.

We have heard it —  being present is the gift.

Without being present, no love is possible, as no one is home.

Practice awareness, notice what you feel, observe your thoughts, and sense your body in this moment. Let yourself focus on the now, what you are experiencing and what is happening with another exactly in this moment.

You may just notice a bigger space in which you are held, supported and you can relax into fully being here.

3. Curiosity.

Have you noticed how struggling against the stream gets you nowhere? How judging, analyzing, trying to figuring it all out just tangles you into a tight knot and leaves you anxious?

Apply curiosity, it cuts through fear quite nicely and opens the heart and mind.

Inquiry questions can free you: “I wonder how this situation will unfold? I am curious to discover the world of my partner. What am I feeling? How might we resolve this issue together?”

A child experiences natural wonder and love because they are innocently curious to discover life.

4. Acknowledgment.

We can only start where we are.

When you feel stressed, disconnected, guarded and don’t feel loving at all, then admit that honestly to yourself without judgment.

Accept what is here, even if you do not like it and let yourself soften.

Notice what happens when you welcome the feelings (yes, even the pain or anger) without rejecting, resisting and clinging. Don’t act out your crabbiness, nor suppress your feelings.

Give it all room and breath to be here first, then can you shift and move toward more openness.

5. Heart-fullness.

Place your hand on your heart and breathe several times deeply into this area.

Then bring your attention toward appreciating something, like the food you eat, the flowers in your garden, the smile from your child…let it be the simple things.

Connect with what is good in the other and in you. Feel the sense of warmth emerging. Revel in this one taste and let it fill you.

Then pass it forward by sharing an appreciation with someone. Watch what happens.

6. Words of love.

These are simple yet powerful words you can apply to yourself and others.

Make sure you mean and feel it, when you express them: “I am here with you. I hear you. I see you. I care about you. I appreciate you“.

Dare to offer what most people are longing for; believe me, every drop matters in a desert land.

Just today, and the days after that too —  dare to love and let yourself be loved, no matter what.

Cheers!

MUST READ: 10 "Golden Rules" Of Being In A New Relationship

By Anonymous

Common sense? Yes. Commonly practiced? No.

The beginning of a new relationship can be a tricky course to navigate. Guys (like me) aren't that great at guessing what women think or want, and our stupidity often leads to otherwise easily avoidable arguments. Setting ground rules for a new relationship may help you get past the small stuff and start enjoying your lives together.

Here are 10 ground rules for a new relationship that everyone should be following:

1. P.D.A. regulation.

People have different comfort levels when it comes to couples behavior in public.  Find the line (holding hands, smooching, heated necking on the subway platform) and don't cross it. 

2. One day a week.

Decide on one day every week you can spend together, no one else invited. Everyone's busy; designating together-time is healthy for any relationship.

3. No suffocation.

Being together is great; acting like conjoined twins is not. Respect each other's space and don't take it so seriously if he asks for some time to himself.

4. Don't talk about the future until it's time to talk about the future.

Nothing freaks a guy out like the prospect of kids before he's actually ready to have them. Don't think he doesn't want to be with you if he shies away from the topic. He just enjoys the way things are and isn't quite ready to add a mini-me to the mix. 

5. Forge friendships with your partner's pals. 

Not that you have to be one of the bros, but it's nice for him (and you) if you feel comfortable around his buddies.

6. But don't forget your own.

Don't drop the friends who were with you before he showed up. Ditching the gals will lead to feelings of resentment and neglect and if your relationship comes to an end, you'll want that circle of support.

7. Don't hide things.

You don't need to tell him about the time you hooked up with your father's golf buddy, but it's probably a good idea to tell him you're still friends with your ex before he runs into the two of you on the street.

8. Loosen up.

Don't start a fight because he glanced at the attractive girl that just walked by. Likewise, he shouldn't get worked up just because you said Jake Gyllenhaal is hot. It's not like either of you is trying to sleep with them (unless you are, in which case you should re-evaluate your role in this twosome). 

9. Don't kiss and tell.

This is a relationship, not an elongated one-night stand. There's no need to talk about what goes on in the bedroom at the water cooler.

10. No assumptions or guessing games.

Don't force him to guess what you really mean by, "It's OK if we don't go out on my birthday." Being upfront with your feelings will prevent many conflicts.

Cheers!

MUST READ: 7 Charming Ways To Be Chivalrous — A Guide For Men AND Women

By Anonymous

Treating each other well is a practice BOTH sexes should embrace.

When was the last time you felt completely appreciated — the kind of appreciation that leaves no doubt about how fully gorgeous/handsome, sexy, talented, honored, respected and loved you are? The kind of appreciation that makes you tremble even?

As confident as you already feel, dating someone who makes you feel like that (deeply appreciated) is incredibly special and arousing. And sorry, today's "no emotions involved," hit-it-and-quit-it "hook up culture" is not where appreciation like that is found. 

Small courtesies — holding the door for you, paying for dinner, sending you a handwritten thank you note, or hailing your cab — are just the beginning of our chivalrous repertoire. We work hard to match our acts of courtesy to your unique preferences; it's a sign of our respect and interest in you — whether romantic, professional or casual, woman or man. It's hard work and takes practice, but it's so rewarding.

As hard as we try at learning how to be chivalrous, we don't always get it right. We're human, too. Folks feel prejudiced because of aberrant men behaving badly. Let me state this for the record: sleazy pickup artists and true modern gentlemen are entirely OPPOSITE types of men. Thanks to feminism, those manipulative guys are a bit easier to spot. And true gentlemen thank feminism for better information about what women want.

The game of courtship still has rules anyone can use without getting snagged in the sexist swamp. Those rules work for men AND women alike, regardless of sexual preference.

So what makes a person chivalrous?

Back in the post-Medieval day, chivalry was the basis for gentlemanly conduct. Even though that old form of chivalry doesn't really fly in the 21st Century, its ideals still feel right. Ladies, this chivalric code guides the way modern gentlemen treat you because that's how we live our lives. And you deserve nothing less. But now he deserves nothing less as well. 

Here's how to be chivalrous and how both women and men can show modern chivalry:

1. Make courtesy your calling card.

Did you know that Al Gore commissioned a study on the positive effects of courtesy in the workplace? Why? Because common thoughtful courtesy works. It's a best practice. It's chivalry lite. Whichever side of the chivalry debate you stand on, I'm sure you'd prefer that a stranger didn't slam a door in your face or cut you off in traffic.

In an intimate relationship, expect your partner to treat you courteously in the ways that are most meaningful to you. But also do the same for them. If they're lost on what that means, be direct and tell them. Nothing says "hot" like a partner who knows what they want, in or out of bed.

2. Be honest, kindly.

Chivalry offers a way to commit to deeper and more satisfying personal interaction, whether dating, courting, marrying, or starting a business. You can't build a connection without integrity and honesty, it's what cultivates trust.

Be truthful with yourself and your partner. Look deep into your partner's eyes when you tell your truth — look beyond your own words and consider how it feels to actually hear them. Learn to master honesty delivered kindly. Practice this. Shared honesty is a huge intimacy-builder.

3. Show unfailing loyalty to those you commit to.

If you aren't clear about your own loyalty, please don't expect it back! Want an exclusive relationship? Non-exclusive? Married? Polyamorous? Make sure you share that with your partner. Make your loyalty plain and show your partner the same level of honesty and faithfulness you expect back. 

4. Be helpful (without treating others like they're helpless).

Nothing is more off-putting than feeling patronized. That said, everyone needs a hand now and then, and modern chivalry includes doing the hard work of figuring out what makes your partner feel looked after. 

To find out what they like, ask. "May I hail a cab for you?" "Would you like me to carry this for you?" Ask and pay attention to the ways your partner likes you to step in and assist (and ways they don't). As they teach you about their needs (and you likewise communicate your own to them), you grow more sensitive to each other. 

5. Look for solutions that are fair and just.

Justice may not seem sexy, but people who know how to be chivalrous see both sides of poignant issues and speak passionately about them before taking sides. In relationships, chivalry demands that you each feel genuinely understood by the other (which deepens your connection).

Look deeply into your partner's eyes and listen to them (the same way you want them to hear you). Your opinion matters but just listen first. Use the question "What do I feel is just?" as a springboard to know each other more deeply.

6. Protect the downtrodden.

Your partner wants to know you have compassion. One way to show this is in your response to today's social ills: homelessness, poverty, mental illness, substance abuse, abandoned animals. How do you respond?

Whether you keep some energy bars in your car to give to the man holding a "hungry and homeless" sign or stand up to your friends when they make a racist joke, your partner needs to know the breadth of your courage and compassion. It says a lot about you.

7. Avoid scandal.

Who wants to watch their partner cuffed and walked to a waiting cop car? Or, stand beside them while they publicly confess to an affair? If the baggage of our track record contains scandal, buyer beware!

In a relationship, the chivalrous thing to do is disclose what you must when it's appropriate and necessary. And don't create new scandals that might hinder your relationship (or humiliate or hurt your partner). Knowing how to be chivalrous means never making someone regret the faith they placed in you. Scandal kills intimacy and trust, so don't. That is all.

Let's ask it again: when was the last time you felt "spine-tingling" appreciated? 

Though you might not have noticed, chances are good that the person who gave that appreciation to you was practicing chivalry. That person is worthy of your favor and your hand. Give both. You'll be glad you did.

Cheers!