8 SIGNS HE IS EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE & 5 WAYS TO WIN HIM OVER

Trying to build a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person can be an extremely draining and frustrating experience. Although there are many who attempt to tear down the walls in an effort to win the heart of their emotionally unavailable love interest, most fail and wind up with their hearts broken in the process. At times, the signs of a person struggling with these emotional issues can be pretty apparent. Other times, they can be masked and mistaken for something else. This can happen in a marriage or in an extramarital relationship, even though they are two separate and very different settings, the signs of an emotionally unavailable person are the same. Are you unsure if the guy you’re seeing is emotionally unavailable? Read on then…

1. He uses sex as his way of demonstrating his so-called ‘emotion’.
2. It feels like he blows hot and cold.
3. He’s quick out the gate in pursuing you, gets your attention, and then goes into a slow canter.
4. He mentions his ex or things that happened between the two of them often.
5. He isn’t the affectionate type and thinks a 10-minute roll in the hay is being romantic and passionate. He never asks what you want but takes it for granted that he’s satisfied you above and beyond.
6. He refuses to talk about his feelings, and/or he gets irritated or defensive when you bring up your feelings about something.
7. He has a push-pull strategy. He tends to pursue you hard toward the beginning. But once you let him know he won you over, he pulls away.

Can an Emotionally Unavailable Man Change?

If your partner was always like this, even before you were married, it’s going to be hard to help him change (but still – possible). Some men are emotionally unavailable because of their childhood, their relationship with their mother or even past traumatic relationships.

Here are the 5 things he/you can do to become emotionally open:

• Spend plenty of time with each other – and when I say that, I do not mean: watching tv, cuddling, doing hobbies together or going out on dates; I mean spend time together to share openly about how you FEEL about things that are most important to you.
• Know and become intimate with his emotional self – He might want to spend time in quiet meditation or reflection focusing on giving himself warm love and connecting with the range of emotions inside him. If he can’t do that alone or finds it hard, then you and him can do it together. 
• Share your deepest dreams and deepest fears – This includes things you might have never told anyone. Allow the person to love you for who you really are. This requires trust in the other person, trusting them they will never use it to hurt you in any way. 
• Allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable – Most people confuses vulnerability with weakness. In actuality, being vulnerable does not involve the actual experience of harm. True, there is a chance that you’ll be criticized, rejected, taken advantage of or even hurt but you cannot be truly loved if you can’t open yourself to be loved.
• Don’t rush anything – Emotional health and maturity isn’t easy to achieve. It takes time, effort and energy. As he practices his new behaviour and strengthens his ability to become an emotionally available and emotionally expressive person, your emotional connection will become stronger, deeper,and it will more likely last.