MUST READ: How To Cope With An Alcoholic Partner — And Save Your Relationship

By Anonymous

It won't be easy ...  

The following is a quick guide to managing drunken behavior wisely and minimizing its destructive impact. If you are out at a social occasion, try to remember that if your partner is behaving atrociously, he/she is embarrassing him/herself — not you. Don't give yourself a hard time if you decide to leave early, take the car and leave your partner some money for a taxi home later. It's simply putting up a boundary which is a very wise thing to do.

However, the real problems accelerate behind closed doors. Your drunk partner enters the house where social norms no longer demand his/her natural restraint and the real problems begin. So what do you do?

Avoid Confrontation In The Moment

This is hard, particularly if you are in close relationship with the person who is drinking. For a start, you will be feeling understandably angry that your partner has moved to that point where the drink appears to be taking over. OK, we've all laughed at amiable, giggling drunks in our time, but the joke soon wears thin when it's your partner doing it over and over again. Amusement is quickly replaced by concern, annoyance and — if it goes on and on — a deep rage, which those who live with compulsive behaviors will really understand. At that point, the temptation to sit your drunk down and give him a large piece of your mind feels almost irresistible, and it's highly likely you have done just that!

However, more often than not, it's like sticking your finger in a wasp's nest. Out come the verbal insults and twisting half-truths that sting, frustrate and offend. You may feel better for a moment, but an argument with a drunk can quickly escalate to a new level of tension, aggression, and non–compliance. And even if your drinker is amiable and garrulous and wants to "talk deeply" (how often I've fallen for that one) the chances are he/she won't remember a thing in the morning. There is a time to talk things through and express how disappointed, hurt and angry you are, but not when he/she is still intoxicated! 

Back Away

When you're in a situation where a loved one is drinking heavily, do a quick safety check to ensure he/she is not in needless danger, but then take remove yourself from the situation as much as humanly possible.

You may not be able to control what is happening, but that doesn't mean you have to sit and watch it. Do yourself a favor! Go to another room or floor or leave the situation altogether. (Even if you get stuck in the same space, get your headphones on and listen to some nice music to tune out what's happening). Don't get further hooked into the already chaotic dynamics around the drinking behavior.

Care For Yourself And Your Family

When your partner lets you down you're hurt and angry, of course. However, if the problem drinking is a regular occurrence, then this is the time to do something nice for you. 

Think ahead on this one. If it's the end of a long, hard day, make sure you pamper yourself with a long hot soak in the bath. Save your favorite book or TV program to retreat into. Be prepared to move out to the spare bedroom if you have one. A snoring drunk beside you is hardly a brilliant aphrodisiac! If it's daytime and you have a family, take them out for a walk or meal. Play a board or video game you put aside for these occasions.

Be proactive, be creative or even take the offensive! I've walked this path personally and these strategies are lessons painfully learned over a long period of time so go easy on yourself. Do what you can a little at a time and take back control of your life and situation. It won't always be easy but every new change brings a new sense of empowerment and a new hope for a more lasting change. 

If your partner regularly comes up with inappropriate behavior, figure out some appropriate boundaries and responses. You may not be able to control their behavior, but you can certainly exert control over your family and your own choices; and if, in the end, you decide that "enough is enough," know that you have applied all that is possible to make your relationship work.

Cheers!