If a man feels threatened by a confident woman, he's not a strong man. Period.
By Anonymous
No matter how confident, charismatic, or competent a man is, if he feels threatened by a woman who exhibits the same traits, he's not a strong person. And he's not going to magically change into the type of partner a strong woman wants until he quits hiding out in his insecurities.
I was told I was "too" something for men to want to be romantically involved with me. I was "too loud" or "too opinionated" or "too impassioned" — all of which I never realized meant "too strong."
Allow me to clarify: Straight guys were intimidated by me and my mouth. Gay men loved me before I even knew what was lovable about myself. Telling, isn't it?
At least a half dozen times, I've found myself involved with a guy who seemed fascinated by my philosophical ideals or analyses of current events and who wanted to talk for hours about our thoughts. We would share ideas and feelings with each other and Interested Guy of the Moment would feed me the same lines: "You're so easy to talk to... I can be more open with you than with anyone else... You think so differently..."
I had a couple of these relationships where we talked daily and our relationship was also physical. But then, of course, this guy would hesitate to introduce me to his friends or would begin to detach abruptly with no real explanation. I was always given some bullsh*t excuse for his hesitation to integrate me into his circle and they ranged from the predictable ("You're just too much for most people.") to the pathetic ("If you could just lose 10 pounds, I'd be more comfortable being together publicly.").
Being young and impressionable, I always thought that this meant there was something inherently wrong with me; I couldn't understand that what they loved about me is also what they hated that they lacked in themselves.
Only when I became more secure in myself did I stop settling and started only dating guys who not only loved my mind and strong-willed nature but were ecstatic to show it off to their friends and incorporate me into their lives. They didn't get uncomfortable when I said something controversial and they recognized that my mind and actions do not in any way represent them as a person, and vice versa.
This is one of the things that most attracted me to my husband and in our relationship we've continued to have the luxury of autonomy as two separate people with unique, sometimes conflicting, principles sharing a life together.
When I'm too loud, too brazen, or when I overstep my bounds with my gigantic mouth, he doesn't silence me in embarrassment. He trusts that, if I have a misstep, I'll stop, reflect and make the situation right without him having to babysit my actions.
That's what a strong man does. This is the type of strength every strong woman deserves in a partner — the courage to love someone unconditionally while trusting that he or she will find the right path.
Cheers!
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